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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29021424">Dial G for Granger</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramioneOG/pseuds/DramioneOG'>DramioneOG</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fics by Gravidy [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Fluff and Humor, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-War</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:56:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,387</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29021424</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramioneOG/pseuds/DramioneOG</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermione Granger is exploring a plethora of career options, such as lawyer, psychologist, and Supreme Dictator for Life. She’s going to make the Wizarding world a better place, whether they like it or not.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fics by Gravidy [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2129034</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fiction is by Gravidy. She is an amazing author and removed her profile from ff.net a while back. Just preserving her works for the fan community. Happy to remove this if the author does not want them on AO3.</p><p>Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to JK Rowling, Warner Bros, Bloomsbury Publishing, et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I remember it as though it were yesterday. Myself, so young and foolish, alone against the baleful forces of nature. So certain of my own invulnerability as I rode a Cirrus X50 into the worst storm I had ever seen. The sky was black and lit with jagged bolts of lightening, hinting at fury yet to come. The sea rolled beneath, just as dark and unforgiving as the heavens above, until I could not tell one from the other. I was tossed on the wind like a sparrow in a hurricane. As of yet, there was no rain to blind me, but that would come. . . .”<br/><br/>“Wait. Wait, wait, wait.” Twenty-two year old Draco Malfoy cut off his father’s story, setting his spoon down into his porridge bowl with a clank.<br/><br/>Lucius gave him a dirty look for cutting in.<br/><br/>They were both sitting at the breakfast table in the sunny parlor of Malfoy manor on a cool and gusty morning with a smattering of storm clouds on the horizon. The weather had seemed to make Lucius nostalgic or something because Draco had no idea what this story had to do with his original question (Do we have any more cauldron cakes?).<br/><br/>“Why the hell were you flying out over the ocean during a storm?” Draco asked.<br/><br/>Lucius took a sip of his coffee, “Obviously,” he said frigidly, still mad that Draco had interrupted, “I was very very drunk.”<br/><br/>Draco was sorry he’d asked.<br/><br/>Lucius shifted a bit and stretched luxuriously, drawing Draco’s attention once again to the fact that his always immaculate, genteel and proper father had decided to come down to breakfast with his long hair in knots and clothed in nothing but butt-hugging white briefs.<br/><br/>For Draco’s entire life, his father had never attended breakfast—or any meal—in anything less than full-suited dress robes with jeweled trim and velvet lining. Draco was certain, with a low but rising dread, that there was some deep, insidious meaning to this unbecoming and out-of-character scene, something just below his detection that would turn and rend him at a moment’s notice.<br/><br/>When Lucius first waltzed into the parlor in practically nothing, Draco had to blink spots from his eyes, first blinded by the paleness of his father’s torso and then by his brain’s own refusal to accept what his eyes were seeing. He’d been too stupefied to react at first—which he was grateful for in case this was some test of his pureblood nerves—and now he refused to ask, partly because he was certain Lucius wanted him to ask and partly because he was in a very deep sulk over the obvious differences between his own rather lean body and his father’s rippley-muscled one.<br/><br/>“Also, Esmeralda Zabini had triple-hex-dared me. There was no way my Pureblood honor would allow me to back down. Now, may I finish my story?” Lucius asked icily.<br/><br/>“By all means.” Draco sneered but only a little, terrified by now of where this was all leading.<br/><br/>Lucius cleared his throat, “When the rain hit, the wind came harder. I could not see the sky or the sea. I could not distinguish which way was up or which was down until I hit the water with all the force of flying directly into a castle wall.”<br/><br/>Draco winced, having actually experienced that once or twice.<br/><br/>“My broom snapped like a twig. My heavy robes dragged me down beneath the waves. I was tossed just as violently as I had been on the wind, only now the freezing water choked me with salt and brine. I do not know how long I struggled against the mighty deep. It could have been hours, it could have been minutes, when an odd humming noise broke through the howling of the storm and a strange creature appeared and pulled me from my watery death.”<br/><br/>Lucius paused to sip his coffee and Draco found himself leaning forward, actually interested now.<br/><br/>“Esmeralda had hinted that there were magical beings out on the ocean when the storms came, that the tempests themselves were meant as a barrier to keep wizards and witches out. I had not believed her and I do not know why this creature took pity on me. When I woke, I found myself in a curious vessel in the midst of a calm sea. My companion seemed to have done away with the violent storm completely. He was a very impressive beast: very tall and broad and dressed in strange black skins and as curious of me as I was of him. I understood little of what he told me, as his dialect was most strange, only that he had somehow become separated from the rest of his pack. Perhaps it was this loneliness that caused him to rescue a mere mortal such as myself.”<br/><br/>Draco was frowning, “What manner of creature was he?”<br/><br/>Lucius shook his head thoughtfully, “I was never entirely certain. I believe he was a type of Selkie. He called himself Navy Seal, though he was not blue colored at all. I was very grateful to Navy Seal and I felt very sad that he was alone on the ocean. It occurred to me then that, since he had saved my life, I might help him find his pack; but as no Wizard I had ever met had heard of these strange seals, I did not think I would be able to find them. So I decided to follow the next logical course of action and take Navy Seal home with me.”<br/><br/>Draco choked.<br/><br/>Lucius heaved a big, regretful sigh, “Navy Seal was not pleased with my decision. I should have known better then to take such a wild, majestic creature from its natural habitat, but he was so very impressive! And I could just imagine the envy of my peers to see that I owned this rare and marvelous beast. When I got him home, Narcissa loved him immediately, but poor Navy Seal seemed utterly angry and bewildered. I imagine a Wizarding home is a strange thing to a sea-faring creature. I tried to train him, but despite his intelligence, I had little luck. Navy Seal was incredibly stubborn and wily and quite deadly, as any wild creature is. He attacked Roger Avery twice, taking an arm off on one occasion, and he nearly killed Greg Goyle.” His father chuckled at the memory, “I told those idiots not to get too near but they did not believe me that Navy Seal was a magical being. They thought him some kind of pet Muggle, even after I explained to them that it had stormed for two weeks straight after I brought Navy Seal back to the manor. Navy Seal escaped many times during his stay and outwitted me more than once. See this scar here?” Lucius pointed to a thin slice from the bottom of his ribcage to his navel. “Navy Seal nearly gutted me.” And his father actually looked pleased. “I spent a few days in St. Mungos over that one. Despite that, Navy Seal was my best friend.”<br/><br/>His father sobered, “Then one day I came home from work early and found your mother . . . teaching Navy Seal some new games in our bedroom. Suddenly, I realized how wrong it was of me to try and tame a feral beast. The next morning, I took him out to the wilds and set him free. I have not seen him since, but neither have I forgotten him.”<br/><br/>Draco watched his father as Lucius stared morosely out the window towards the coming storm, “I don’t remember any Navy Seal.” Draco finally said tentatively, “ How long ago was this?”<br/><br/>Jolted from his introspection, Lucius frowned in thought, “Oh . . . I’d say about nine months before you were born.” And he stared at Draco.<br/><br/>Draco stared back.<br/><br/>There was a long, uncomfortable silence.<br/><br/>“Uh,” Draco’s voice squeaked in his throat, “Are you . . . are you implying that I. . . that I’m. . . .”<br/><br/>Lucius blinked and then speared Draco with a look of dawning horror, “Merlin no! Of course not! You thought that . . . and about your own mother? Why you sick little monkey.”<br/><br/>Draco sputtered, cheeks flaming, “W-well you said—a-and, and what was I supposed to think?”<br/><br/>“Your mother is a lady.” Lucius snapped haughtily, and Draco could have sworn he muttered, “And only I got to play those types of games with Navy Seal.” But he couldn’t be certain because he’d had enough of this nonsense and he slapped his orange juice down and screeched his chair back to stand up.<br/><br/>“What in the world is all this ruckus?” Narcissa breezed into the room cheerily, wearing a long white fur robe, her pale hair pulled back and neatly plaited. Draco waited anxiously for her to say something about Lucius’ state of dress, but she simply drew the curtains back and cracked the window to let some of the morning air in.<br/><br/>“I was just telling Draco about Navy Seal.” Lucius said around a mouthful of eggs, causing Draco to stare in unabashed horror. Yet still his mother ignored it.<br/><br/>“Oh? Have you never told him about Navy Seal before? Why ever not? You absolutely adored him.” Narcissa smiled impishly at Draco and poured herself some coffee from the silver pitcher.<br/><br/>“It’s still somewhat of a bittersweet memory.” Lucius admitted heavily and Narcissa cupped Lucius cheek fondly.<br/><br/>“Alright!” Draco shouted, flying upright, “What the bloody hell is going on?” he barked, chest heaving.<br/><br/>His parents stared at him as though he’d lost his mind.<br/><br/>“Whatever do you mean, darling?” Narcissa asked lightly as she seated herself next to his father.<br/><br/>“Why is dad in his underwear? Why is he telling me stories of getting drunk and flying into hurricanes? He hasn’t reminded me even ONCE today that I’m a Malfoy. This—this is not proper decorum. This is . . . this is bad manners! It’s . . . it’s like anarchy or something!”<br/><br/>Lucius sighed and rolled his eyes and actually reached down and <em>adjusted himself</em>. Narcissa, his proper lady mother, snorted at Lucius’ actions and elbowed him.<br/><br/>“Draco, you’re twenty-two years old.” Lucius complained in exasperation. “I raised you properly. I was the best role model for you that I could be. But you’re an adult now! I don’t need to spend every moment in your company showing you how to be a gentleman. I did my part and now I get to come down to breakfast in my underwear if I damn well feel like it.”<br/><br/>Draco stood still, a fine trembling shaking his body. He felt confused and frazzled. “Role model? Is that why you were constantly reminding me of my own name? Every day for years? Elbows off the table, Draco, you’re a Malfoy. Sit up straight, Draco, you’re a Malfoy. Lima beans do not go up your nose, Draco, you’re a Malfoy.”<br/><br/>“Well, yes.” Lucius agreed.<br/><br/>“Aagh!” Draco grabbed his head, “I was absolutely convinced that I had some sort of horrible disease and was going to forget my own name at <em>any moment</em> if someone didn’t remind me! I thought you just didn’t want to tell me, or maybe you had told me and I’d forgotten like I was about to forget my own name! I almost had a breakdown when I went to Hogwarts and no one finished their sentences by telling me who I was! I started doing it <em>for</em> them and nobody liked it! They thought I was pretentious!”<br/><br/>“Oh dear.” Narcissa sighed, fluffing her napkin, “Such an active imagination. I knew we should have taken him to that specialist.”<br/><br/>“Nonsense,” Lucius disagreed, eyeing Draco thoughtfully, “I think he turned out alright. Maybe he has a few . . . quirks, but most of the time you wouldn’t even know it.”<br/><br/>“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here!” Draco screeched.<br/><br/>“That reminds me.” Narcissa turned back to Draco, “Draco, the next time you have a wank, could you please clean up after yourself a little better? The House Elves are complaining.”<br/><br/>Draco felt himself go a brilliant scarlet-y red and almost swooned from sheer humiliation.<br/><br/>“Narcissa!” Lucius chided, “You’ll embarrass the boy!”<br/><br/>Narcissa turned her nose up, “Nonsense, Lucius, I’m his mother. I changed his diapers.”<br/><br/>Lucius flicked a bit of toast at her, grinning, “You lying wench! You ne’er! I’ll be buggered if you know the first thing about changing diapers.”<br/><br/>Narcissa giggled girlishly behind her hand and abruptly, something inside Draco snapped.<br/><br/>“Alright!” he said loudly but calmly, “I get it. I understand. You win.” He turned and started towards the door, “I’m moving out. I’ll go to the real estate office immediately and find a house to buy and move into it and you two can run around starkers and talk about gay bondage with selkies and ruminate over whether or not Lucius is my father and have long discussions about whether or not wanking makes the House Elves angry.”<br/><br/>The door slammed shut behind their son and Narcissa and Lucius stared after him for a moment before they exchanged sly glances and, finally, a celebratory high-five.<br/><br/>The door flew back open, “Oh, and dad,” Draco sneered, looking his father up and down, “You’re starting to get a <em>gut</em>.” And he slammed the door again.<br/><br/>“I MOST CERTAINLY AM NOT!” Lucius screamed, flying to his feet, “You miserable cur, get back here!” but he couldn’t help putting a hand on his belly defensively, wondering in mortal terror if he was, in fact, getting a gut.<br/><br/>Narcissa grabbed his wrist, tsking, “Don’t be silly, Lucius. He only said that to upset you.” And she gave his belly a kiss and a raspberry.<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>“So I keep telling Kingsley,” Harry Potter said through a mouthful of biscuits and gravy, “This isn’t going to work. Yes, I can’t seem to be killed and I can escape from anything, but magical cheating-death and Houdini powers aren’t useful to anyone but me. It doesn’t work on anyone else. I know. I’ve tried. But he doesn’t listen. Again. And he sends me with Dewhurst and his group into this hostage situation, right?” he paused to gulp some coffee.<br/><br/>Ron Weasley was shaking his head already, scraping eggs onto his toast, “This isn’t going to end well.”<br/><br/>Harry made an expansive gesture, “It was a nightmare! Nobody had even done proper intel on the situation. I guess they figured who needs intel when you’ve got the bloody Boy-Who-Lived. We had no idea what we were walking in to. So, of course. . . .”<br/><br/>“It was a trap.” Ron finished for him sagely, pointing at Harry with his fork.<br/><br/>“And now they’re all dead.” Harry settled his chin on his hand, “The bad guys, the hostage, Dewhurst and his team. There’s nothing left of the fortress but a fucking hole in the ground.”<br/><br/>“And you?”<br/><br/>“I broke my finger.” Harry flexed his now completely healed pinkie. “Took the mediwitch two seconds to set it to rights.”<br/><br/>Ron snorted into his hash browns.<br/><br/>“Would you like some more coffee?” a pretty young waitress asked Ron politely and he nodded without looking at her.<br/><br/>“I’ll have some more tea please.” Said Hermione briskly from her seat next to Harry and the waitress jumped about a foot.<br/><br/>The woman stared at Hermione for a startled moment then blinked and forced a smile, “Y-yes, of course. I’m sorry. I didn’t see you sitting there.” And she laughed a bit at herself for somehow not noticing the very sharp-looking young woman in a business jacket, silk blouse and skirt. Maybe it was simply the oddness of seeing such a finely dressed lady sitting with a huge red head wearing rumpled, baggy sweat clothes and a shorter, dark-haired man wearing what looked like a long, over-large black dress.<br/><br/>Hermione smiled neatly back at the waitress and reached across the table to pull her half-finished meal over to her side. Harry shot her a sideways glance but said nothing.<br/><br/>Ron waited until the waitress had gone and rounded on Hermione, “Where have you been?”<br/><br/>“I had a meeting.” Hermione said shortly, casting a warming charm on her food from under the table and tucking in.<br/><br/>“Not during our weekly breakfast, you don’t.” Ron grumbled, “This is getting ridiculous. I didn’t even see you leave.”<br/><br/>“She’s got another Time-Turner.” Harry tattled, and only looked smug when Hermione gave him the look-of-death.<br/><br/>“Who in their right mind gave you a Time-Turner?”<br/><br/>Hermione turned her nose up, “I have too many responsibilities to. . . .”<br/><br/>“She probably nicked it.” Harry tattled some more and laughed when Hermione’s cheeks went pink but she refused to look repentant.<br/><br/>“You snuck into the Department of Mysteries?” Ron was impressed.<br/><br/>“She’s working there now.” Harry practically sang and this time Hermione turned and punched him in the arm until he said ‘ow’ and cowered away from her.<br/><br/>Ron squinted, “I thought you just had the two jobs. Working with Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and teaching Muggle Studies at Hogwarts during the school year.”<br/><br/>“I do and I am.”<br/><br/>“She’s also on the Board of Governors, the Office of Fair Trading in Diagon Alley and she’s my personal legal and tax attorney.” Harry ticked them each off on his fingers, glanced at said fingers and licked the syrup off.<br/><br/>Ron let out a low whistle, “Better you than me.” He said to Hermione and had some sausage.<br/><br/>“I thought you learned your lesson in third year.” Harry taunted playfully.<br/><br/>“I also saved a few lives if you recall.” Hermione returned frostily, “I’m older now and I know how to manage my time so I don’t run myself into the ground.” She huffed, “There’s just so much to do and so very little time to do it. If everyone else were a bit more organized maybe I could be more productive.”<br/><br/>“Hermione, if you get any more productive, you’re going to be running the Wizarding World.” Harry laughed and then became mildly frightened by the look that flickered briefly across her face, “At least cut back enough so that you’re not ducking out in the middle of our weekly breakfast. I get to see Ron almost every day but you’re very hard to keep track of.”<br/><br/>She had the grace to look abashed, “I am sorry, Harry. I haven’t really been making time for anything but work, have I? My parents complained about it the other day. My Uncle Dan is coming to visit and I said I didn’t have time to stop by.” She straightened up with a determined look, “I’ll make the effort to be a better friend and daughter.”<br/><br/>Her cell phone went off.<br/><br/>With an embarrassed look at Harry, she snapped it open and put it to her ear, turning away from her friends. The cell phone was one of the many Muggle inventions Hermione had steam-rolled into the Magical world in the past few years. She’d hated having to go to the floo or wait for a Patronus every time she needed to speak to someone; and the two-way mirrors were rare, expensive and impractical. So she’d collaborated with George Weasley and a few others on adapting and building upon the enchantments from the two-way mirror into a cell phone replica without electrical parts.<br/><br/>She currently owned the patents to, and the production company of, the Magical world’s only cell phone service provider.<br/><br/>Ron and Harry exchanged meaningful glances while Hermione spoke quietly into her phone. Ron poured more syrup on his sausages. She finally ended the call and looked up at them regretfully.<br/><br/>“I’m sorry. I’ve got to go show a few houses.”<br/><br/>“Show a house?” Ron asked blankly.<br/><br/>“Are you in real estate now too?” Harry wasn’t sure why he was surprised.<br/><br/>Hermione nodded weakly. “Apparently Draco Malfoy is looking for a place to buy ASAP.”<br/><br/>“Finally moving out of mommy and daddy’s place, is he?” Ron sneered then brightened, “Hey! Are there any cursed houses for sale? Sell him one but don’t tell him!”<br/><br/>“Ron, that would be unprofessional.” Hermione groused as she gathered her purse and got to her feet.<br/><br/>“And completely hilarious.” said Harry.<br/><br/>“I can’t believe you’re ditching our weekly breakfast for Malfoy.”<br/><br/>“I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”<br/><br/>She gave them both a kiss on the cheek and Apparated from the restaurant with a crack, causing immediate pandemonium among the Muggle diners who jumped and shrieked at the sound. One of the waitresses tumbled over with her tray of food. Dishes shattered on the floor. Those who had been looking in Hermione’s direction stared open-mouthed at the place where the young woman had been standing.<br/><br/>“What happened?”<br/><br/>“Was that a gunshot!?”<br/><br/>“Where did she go?”<br/><br/>Harry snatched up the rest of his breakfast, “Quick. Under the table! Under the table!”<br/><br/>Ron stuffed a mouthful of sausage, grabbed his plate of pancakes and slid under the table with Harry.<br/><br/>A moment later there was another crack as Hermione reappeared, looking aggravated. “Damnit! <em>Obliviate</em>! <em>Obliviate</em>! <em>Obliviate obliviate obliviate</em>!”<br/><br/>Harry cringed down as the spells went flying and the diners went screaming.<br/><br/>One of the more resourceful waitresses, Sally, if Harry remembered correctly, grabbed a patron and used her as a human shield, dodged the next spell aimed at her and dove behind the counter. She then quickly picked up a tray and used it as a shield, successfully blocking the next spell Hermione sent her way.<br/><br/>Harry was slightly turned on.<br/><br/>“You didn’t pay your tab!” Sally shouted accusingly.<br/><br/>That gave Hermione pause for half a second and Sally made the mistake of lowering her shield a bit, “<em>Confundus</em>!”<br/><br/>Sally got the spell full in the face and her tray dropped to the floor.<br/><br/>“Harry, would you get my bill? I’ll pay you back!” Hermione shouted and Apparated away.<br/><br/>Slowly, Harry and Ron climbed back up into their seats. The restaurant was a wreck and the patrons were confused and shell-shocked. Harry got up to help the fallen waitress clean her mess but she seemed to gather herself and shooed him away and slowly the diners started talking in low voices and then eating their meals, uncertain what had caused the ruckus to begin with.<br/><br/>Harry went to check on Sally, who was staggering a bit behind the cash register. “<em>Finite</em>.” He whispered, canceling the Confunding spell, “Sally, are you okay?”<br/><br/>“Blahgga-blah?” she swayed uncertainly and then coughed a little, “I mean, what happened?”<br/><br/>“I think you had a dizzy spell.” He said gently, “Why don’t you sit down?”<br/><br/>“A dizzy spell? Oh dear! What if it was an aneurysm? Wait . . . What happened to Nancy?” she asked, referring to the waitress who had dropped her tray and was now carefully scraping together the remains.<br/><br/>“Uh, she also had a dizzy spell. Probably.”<br/><br/>“We both had dizzy spells at the same time?” Sally asked sharply, watching Harry suspiciously, her eyes a bit wide and darting about nervously.<br/><br/>“Um, I guess? Er, check please?” he smiled uncertainly and scurried back to his table.<br/><br/>Ron had already gotten back into his seat and was eating again, though pensively. Harry sat down with a sigh and made a face at the remains of his meal. His gravy had gotten clumpy and grown a skin. Ron was looking at him but Harry was pretending he didn’t notice.<br/><br/>“Harry.” Ron groaned finally.<br/><br/>“What?” Harry started gathering his things, still not meeting his friend’s eyes.<br/><br/>“We have to do something. We can’t let this go on.”<br/><br/>“What are you talking about, Ron? Everything’s great.” Harry replied with forced cheer.<br/><br/>“You know what I’m talking about.”<br/><br/>“I have no idea. . . .”<br/><br/>“She’s out of control.”<br/><br/>“Who?” Harry asked blandly.<br/><br/>Ron glared at him, glancing around tensely before whispering, “Hermione.”<br/><br/>Harry bristled and snapped defensively, “She’s doing a great job.”<br/><br/>“Yeah, of taking over the fucking WORLD.” He sighed, “Look, it was funny when she started teaching at Hogwarts and all of the kids started failing because her curriculum is insane. I mean, that’s no worse than some of the stuff that happened to us there. We failed potions every single year. And you didn’t mention it but I <em>know</em> she’s teaching History of Magic this year also and that McGonagall is talking about retiring and making Hermione the Headmistress. I was happy that Hermione got a second job at the Ministry and was getting her jollies by trying to free House Elves against their will. It was cool when she started helping George with the business end of running the Wheezes but even then I was starting to get nervous. She just doesn’t stop.”<br/><br/>“There’s nothing wrong with any of those things.”<br/><br/>“Individually no, but Harry, she’s on the Board of Governors now? How is that even possible if she’s teaching? How long before she’s deciding what they can and can’t teach at Hogwarts? She’s already cracking down on Diagon Alley and Knockturn Alley; deciding what business can go where and what they can sell. She’s working in the Department of Mysteries. <em>Stealing</em> from the Department of Mysteries. She’s shooting up small muggle diners with obliviates, not once, but for the third time this year and that’s not her job. If there’s an exposure, she’s supposed to go through proper channels, contact the Ministry and have the Obliviators come out. But she doesn’t because she’s Hermione Granger and she believes she’s smarter and more capable than everyone else. If someone disagrees with her, she either steam-rolls them, hands out an obliviate, gets dirt on them or gathers power in another area until she can overwhelm them. I read the Daily Prophet, Harry, I’ve seen that she’s writing for them on the side of everything else she’s doing.”<br/><br/>Harry shrugged mutinously, refusing to say anything.<br/><br/>“She’s a fire-breathing monster and she’s going to eat the Wizarding World alive.”<br/><br/>“Not our problem.” Harry sat back slowly and smiled weakly up at a harried Nancy who had come to fill up his coffee. He put a couple sugars into the hot drink and took a slow sip. “We did our part and saved their asses once. If they want to hand over all control to her, that’s fine with me. She’ll be a fantastic Dictator and they’ll all be better for it.”<br/><br/>“Harry, we created her.”<br/><br/>“Bull. She’s always been bossy and overbearing and too smart for her own good. That’s why the two of us are still alive.”<br/><br/>“She also respected authority and obeyed the rules like every single one was a direct order from Merlin. Then we came along and she was lying to Professors, sneaking out at all hours, helping us break into the Ministry. She was a good girl, Harry.”<br/><br/>“Hey, the adults in our lives fucked themselves when it comes to respecting their authority. We didn’t do that.” He frowned, snapping, “What’s with you anyway? You’re not exactly the voice of reason. This isn’t like you.”<br/><br/>“You’re right! It’s not! And do you think I like this? Being Mr. Deep-Thoughts? I’ve been waiting for <em>you</em> to do or say something about it. Ginny has been on my back for months about it and I’m tired of ignoring it. I’m an Auror now. I made an oath to uphold the law and maybe you think I just became an Auror so I could fight Dark Wizards but I also wanted to protect us. My people. My freedom. That’s important to me.”<br/><br/>Harry was silent.<br/><br/>“Harry,” Ron said gently, “She’s not happy.”<br/><br/>Harry looked up sharply.<br/><br/>“She just told us that she doesn’t visit her family. She only sees us once a week and then she skips out half the time. She doesn’t have any other friends. She hasn’t had a relationship since she and I broke up. And I know she’s just trying to help everyone but she can’t fix the whole world and trying to is killing her.”<br/><br/>Harry let out a long breath and slumped. “Shit.”<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>The agency was oddly empty and Hermione glanced at the notes at the front desk but couldn’t find any hint of who had called her to take Malfoy’s unexpected appointment.<br/><br/>She wondered again, mutinously, just why it <em>had</em> to be her to take Malfoy’s assignment.<br/><br/>“Mr. Malfoy, right this way please.” Hermione stalked past the well-dressed Malfoy heir without looking up from her files.<br/><br/>“That’s <em>Lord</em> Malfoy to you, commoner,” Malfoy started snobbishly and then finally seemed to see her. “Granger?” The stuffy pompousness deflated a bit.<br/><br/>She stood at the doorway to her office, unimpressed, “<em>You</em> are not Lord Malfoy, so don’t give me any of that.”<br/><br/>He grinned and it was a bit mischievous, making him seem even less rigid and starchy, “True, but no one ever realizes that and, if they do, they don’t have the balls to say anything.”<br/><br/>Hermione raised an eyebrow but refrained from commenting as she led him into her office and took a seat behind the desk. Malfoy waltzed into the room in a manner that reminded her of his father and propped his silver-headed cane by the door. He was, in her opinion, a bit overdressed for a trip to the real estate agency. His pale hair was slicked back; he was wearing black kid gloves and an impressively bulky, fur-lined, silver-buckled and onyx-beaded monstrosity of a robe.<br/><br/>He made a show of looking about disdainfully and gave his cloak a little flip as he strode forward dramatically, “What a quaint little office.” He said in rich, drawling tones. “I suppose it may hold my magnificence . . . for now.”<br/><br/>She couldn’t help it. She snorted a little, amused, and tried to hide it by turning her face away with a delicate cough.<br/><br/>He dropped the haughty-act, plopping into the seat across from her. “Sooo, real estate agent.”<br/><br/>“What sort of dwelling are you looking for today, Mr. Malfoy?” Hermione ignored the prompt, opening a folder.<br/><br/>“I honestly thought you’d be more of a librarian. A teacher, maybe. Something to do with books.”<br/><br/>“We have quite a selection currently available. Everything from pent-house apartments in the city to castles on several hundred acres of land.”<br/><br/>“I mean, I’m glad to see you serving your Pureblood community but I’m certain there is a way you could do it that involves books.”<br/><br/>Hermione dug another folder out from her files drawer.<br/><br/>Cursed houses it is.<br/><br/>“By the way, shouldn’t you have served me tea by now?” Draco continued, crossing one knee over the other.<br/><br/>Actually, yes, she should have.<br/><br/>Feeling slightly aggravated, Hermione started to rise when Ginger, the office House Elf, appeared with a crack, carrying a full tea set.<br/><br/>“Now Ginger,” Hermione started calmly. “You didn’t have to. I could have. . . .”<br/><br/>“NO!” Shrieked the Elf with a furious glare at Hermione, “Bad Lady is sitting down and letting Ginger do her duty or Bad Lady is getting mop water on her head again!”<br/><br/>Hermione sat back slowly, manicured nails biting into the armrests of her chair as Ginger smiled sweetly at Draco and served him tea and biscuits. Malfoy picked up a biscuit, expression carefully controlled but eyes triumphant.<br/><br/>Ginger disappeared with a pop and Hermione glared at the spot the Elf had occupied. “You win this round, Elf.” She hissed to herself, making Draco snort around his mouthful of cookie.<br/><br/>“So . . . real-estate agent.”<br/><br/>Hermione’s head whipped back to him, “I don’t have all day, Mr. Malfoy.” She ground out.<br/><br/>“Of course you do.” He returned jovially, “And call me <em>Lord</em> Malfoy.”<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>“Hmm, I don’t need something as large as the manor.” Draco mused idly, tapping a finger to his lips as they stood in front of what had to be the tenth small castle that Draco had seemingly chosen at random, and dismissed just as casually, “But I don’t want anything as small as a cottage.”<br/><br/>He paced a little, ignoring a slightly frazzled Hermione whose entire morning was shot and things weren’t looking so great for her afternoon either. At least he seemed to have finally gotten serious and stopped making her show him house after house just for the hell of it.<br/><br/>“I want a bachelor pad, but something with attitude.”<br/><br/>“Erm, I have several houses that were previously owned by Dark Lords.” Hermione offered, holding up four folders from the armload she was juggling.<br/><br/>Draco spun around, looking shocked and excited, “Really?”<br/><br/>“Absolutely.” She tried to make her smile friendly.<br/><br/>“And you didn’t think to mention this <em>before</em> I wasted my entire morning?” He eyed her disapprovingly with just a hint of suspicion, “Just what are you up to?”<br/><br/>She tried not to freeze guiltily. So three of the four houses previously owned by Dark Lords were horribly cursed. So were four of the ten she’d already shown him (she’d sort of had to work herself up to it).<br/><br/>The suspicion on Draco’s face suddenly melted into surprise and then something smug and Hermione had a terrible feeling in the pit of her stomach, but Malfoy only dusted imaginary lint from his shoulder and gestured to her grandly.<br/><br/>“Show them to me.”<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>The first house obviously didn’t impress Draco.<br/><br/>The location was prime, a little wooded knoll overlooking a Wizarding town. The house itself was an eight-bedroom, four-bathroom dwelling painted a pale, pretty blue with white shuttered windows. There was a lovely flower garden out front.<br/><br/>“This is the house of a Dark Lord?” Draco asked with quiet disbelief, not even able to sneer through his horror.<br/><br/>Hermione glanced through her notes, frowning. “The Dark Lord Pyjamas The Terror.”<br/><br/>Draco mouthed the name silently, staring at the little house.<br/><br/>“I think this was his vacation home.” Hermione offered lamely, scratching her head. It was also the only house of the four not horribly cursed, “A Dark Lord has to go somewhere to relax every once in awhile, I guess.”<br/><br/>“Are you certain he was an actual Dark Lord?” He questioned doubtfully and Hermione was insulted that someone would imply that she had made a mistake.<br/><br/>Hermione skimmed her notes, “Yes, he was degreed and everything. I think he was briefly mentioned in ‘Dark Lords of the 21st Century’ but otherwise, you won’t find any books about him. If he had grand designs or evil schemes, he either never mentioned them or never acted on them.”<br/><br/>“Huh.” Malfoy murmured in disinterest, “What’s next?”<br/><br/>Hermione dug through her portkey ring.<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>“This one is nice!” Draco crowed as they appeared before a white metal fence. Hermione put her portkeys away and started digging through her other key ring to find the magical key for the huge padlock keeping the gate closed.<br/><br/>They were on a narrow road sparsely populated by a few large houses, each with a handful of acres of land. The house before them was incredibly ‘modern chic’ especially for the Wizarding world. The front was white and rounded and extended up five stories with windows slightly protruding. The sides squared off and stacked into two sections with the largest section at the bottom. The sides were painted an almost brick brown. The front ‘lawn’ was a mixture of beautiful landscaping and modern wizarding art with a gazebo, several Avant-garde statues and a fountain.<br/><br/>“It’s so different from anything I’ve ever seen!” Draco rambled on, “I think my father would hate it. Mother would disapprove on principle but secretly love it.”<br/><br/>Hermione was impressed herself and wondered why she’d never seen or shown this house before. The curse on it must have been really bad if there wasn’t more interest in this place. She checked her file and saw that it had only recently been vacated and that the house next door had sold only a month ago.<br/><br/>“What kind of Dark Lord lived here?” Draco asked eagerly.<br/><br/>Hermione paused her struggle with the lock to look through her notes. “Um, Dark Lord Franko McJoyKill. Owner of Igor Industries, Britain’s largest—well, I guess its only—purveyor of Dark Lording supplies. Renowned for driving his neighbors slowly insane until they kill themselves . . . waaaaaait a second. . . .” Draco, who had been rubbernecking through the fence, jumped slightly when she grabbed his shoulder. “Malfoy,” she said carefully, voice trembling just a little, “Be calm. I’ve made a mistake.”<br/><br/>He frowned down at her and then froze as something behind her caught his attention. All the color left his face.<br/><br/>“This isn’t McJoyKill’s house.” Hermione admitted breathily.<br/><br/>Draco gulped, still staring behind her, “This is the house next door?” he hazarded.<br/><br/>“Um, yeah.”<br/><br/>Slowly, giving in to the inevitable, she turned around, cringing slightly.<br/><br/>Franko McJoyKill was pressed so hard against the fence next door that for a moment Hermione thought he was trying to squeeze through. He had thick, black hair gelled up in stylish spikes and a cliché ‘villain’ goatee. He was grinning at them so hard his face looked about to crack.<br/><br/>“Neighbors?” he asked hopefully, eyes flicking between Hermione and Draco. His hands trembled with excitement where they squeezed the bars of the fence.<br/><br/>Draco tried, unsuccessfully, to tuck his much larger frame behind Hermione. Hermione rapidly tried to juggle the folders, grasping desperately for her ring of portkeys, not caring which she grabbed. She smiled weakly at Franko.<br/><br/>Franko smiled harder. “Perhaps you’d like to come in for tea.” He whispered, “I could get you a catalogue of my latest merchandise…” Still a soft, gentle voice, “Igor Industries, number one in providing for practitioners of the Dark Arts. We’re having a sale. . . ”<br/><br/>Draco perked up, “A sale?”<br/><br/>“No!” Hermione grabbed him and they portkeyed away.<br/><br/>They reappeared so violently that Draco stumbled and Hermione fell on her butt, grasping her folders tightly to her chest.<br/><br/>“Why did you do that?” Malfoy yelled, “We were going to talk business!”<br/><br/>“Why did I do that?” Hermione bemoaned to herself just as angrily, “If I let him have you, then my afternoon would have been freed up!”<br/><br/>Draco sputtered.<br/><br/>Grumbling, Hermione carefully got to her feet, managing to still spill papers everywhere.<br/><br/>“Is this the next Dark Lord’s house?” Draco asked shortly, while Hermione gathered everything.<br/><br/>“No.” Hermione grumbled, stuffing papers haphazardly back into their respective folders.<br/><br/>“Oh.” He sounded slightly disappointed and Hermione glanced up at the sprawling white stone structure with twisting spires that seemed to be carved right from the mountainside it sat on. It was beautiful.<br/><br/>“If you like it, who cares if it wasn’t owned by a Dark Lord.” She scanned her notes, “I’m sure it has some sort of history to it.”<br/><br/>And then she winced when she saw it was originally designed and built by a famous Muggle architect and then enchanted by his Muggleborn children.<br/><br/>“What kind of history?” Draco asked.<br/><br/>“I don’t know. History?” she shrugged. “All buildings have history.”<br/><br/>He frowned, “I want to see the other Dark Lord houses.”<br/><br/>“Ugh, fine.”<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>“Now THIS is a Dark Lord’s house!” Draco beamed, obviously impressed.<br/><br/>Hermione found herself agreeing with a gulp.<br/><br/>The black and twisted castle sat on a flat bed of barren rock suspended magically over a lake of bubbling lava.<br/><br/>“But . . . it’s a little much, don’t you think?” the blonde finally admitted reluctantly. “I mean, maybe if I had a full-on Dark Lord career this would be a great office—kinda cliché maybe—but . . . it’s not real homey.”<br/><br/>Oh thank Merlin, Hermione thought, inwardly slumping in relief as she eyed the narrow, rickety little wooden bridge that led to the awful black castle. She didn’t want to actually have to show the place but she knew if she showed her reluctance that Malfoy would jut HAVE to check the place out.<br/><br/>“Who lived here?” Malfoy asked.<br/><br/>Hermione checked. “The Dark Lord Aegrus,” she murmured finally, “Real nasty piece of work but, you’re right, not very original. Built an army, conquered a city, became a necromancer, tried to gain immortality, then choked on a chicken bone.”<br/><br/>“At least that’s the official story!” Malfoy shot her a pointed look, “There are some who say it was a peanut allergy. Aegrus is one I <em>have</em> heard of. I had an action figure of him when I was little.”<br/><br/>Right. Figures.<br/><br/>“This place is a lot older than the other ones we’ve looked at. Aegrus died about three hundred years ago. Pyjamas the Terror is still around somewhere and so is McJoyKill, obviously.”<br/><br/>“I had no idea before today that we had living Dark Lord’s in Britain.” Draco mused.<br/><br/>“We have several. You just don’t really hear about them unless they go aggro. They were more common in the 1960’s and 1970’s before Voldemort went around and slaughtered maybe ninety percent of them.” She ignored Malfoy flinching at the name, “Voldemort was calling himself a Dark Lord before that, but I think that’s when the University granted him his Dark Lord degree <em>honoris causa</em>.”<br/><br/>“Say what now? You need a <em>degree</em> to be a Dark Lord?” Malfoy looked stunned.<br/><br/>Hermione frowned, “Of course you do. Historically, you had to prove to a council of Warlocks that you had talent in, and had mastered, one or more areas of the Dark Arts. Today, you attend Academia Sinistro somewhere in the North Sea for two to six years, study whatever areas of the Dark Arts you’re talented in, then write a thesis about how you’re going to take over and/or destroy the world.”<br/><br/>Malfoy folded his arms, distinctly putout, “I’ve never heard of such a place as Academia Sinistro.”<br/><br/>“Well, it’s sort of a ‘don’t call us, we’ll call you’ type of place. And the class size is generally small as you not only have to have talent in the Dark Arts, but you have to survive the curriculum. They turn out about three to five Dark Lords a year.”<br/><br/>“There couldn’t possibly be that many Dark Lords! We’d be overrun!”<br/><br/>“Sinistro alumni don’t necessarily use their degree to start wars or take over the world or anything, despite their thesis. Some of them need the distinction or want the connections. I don’t think you can even get a job in parts of Bulgaria unless you’re a certified Dark Lord. And not all areas of the Dark Arts are useful for battle and world conquering.”<br/><br/>“What do you mean?”<br/><br/>“Take Parseltongue for example. It’s a Dark Art but it’s certainly not going to help you conquer the earth.”<br/><br/>“I’m sure it would if the Wizard were creative enough.” Malfoy snapped back belligerently.<br/><br/>Hermione ignored him, “And having so many Dark Lords mucking about actually helps prevent conflict, as many of the more hostile ones are too busy stopping each other’s plots to ever get around to taking over the world themselves.”<br/><br/>“Then how come I’ve never met any of these supposed Dark Lords besides . . . well, the Dark Lord.”<br/><br/>“You have actually. Dumbledore had his degree.”<br/><br/>“You’re making this up!”<br/><br/>“I am not.” Hermione snapped, getting cranky because of the heat from the lava. She wiped her forehead, and quickly cast a cooling charm, “He was a contemporary of Grindewald.”<br/><br/>“Someone would have mentioned it! Back—back . . . you know when. The Ministry tried for years to destroy his reputation.”<br/><br/>“No, they wouldn’t have mentioned it. They wanted to discredit him. To make Dumbledore look like a crazy, stupid old man. If they’d claimed he was a Dark Lord, it could have backfired, either garnered Dumbledore fear and respect or made them look like liars.”<br/><br/>“There is no way Dumbledore was a Dark Lord. If anything, he’d be a Light Lord.”<br/><br/>Hermione rolled her eyes, “There is absolutely nothing stopping him from having a Mastery of both Light and Dark Arts. Dark Lord is an earned title, it’s not an occupation, it has nothing to do with intention, it’s not an appellation for someone who runs around killing people and trying to take over the world. Light Lord isn’t even a designation. Those who might be called Light Lords are too self-righteously humble to even think about referring to themselves as such. They hardly ever even meet together, because if they did, they might decide to do something good for the Wizarding world. And that would be using their ‘grand powers’ to influence the world around them, which would then lead to an endless, philosophical argument amongst themselves about whether or not it’s right and just for them to use their magnificence to change the lives of us poor, insignificant peons, even if it is for the better. Some will think they have no right to interfere at all and others will think it’s their duty to do something and then everyone will end up doing nothing at all.”<br/><br/>“You sound as though you have experience on the matter.”<br/><br/>Hermione made a face, “They meet about once every ten years. And for good reason.”<br/><br/>“Why wouldn’t, um, You-Know-Who have gone to the Academia then?”<br/><br/>“Voldemort was a half-blood, Malfoy. His father was a Muggle. There was no way he would have been invited to Sinistro.”<br/><br/>“A half-blood?” Draco stood there with an inscrutable expression and then he slapped his fist down in his palm as though having an epiphany, “So THAT’S why he went so crazy!”<br/><br/>“Oh don’t even start!” He gave her an innocent look and she huffed, “We have one more Dark Lord’s house to see and I want to get out of here before those corpses that are slowly dragging themselves towards us arrive. So let’s go.”<br/><br/>Malfoy made a face, “No, it’s past lunch and I’m starving.”<br/><br/>“Then should we continue this meeting some other time?” She asked briskly. Please. Like never?<br/><br/>“No.” he sniffed again, startling her by tucking one of his arms around hers and knocking several folders to the ground in the process, “Business lunch.”<br/><br/>And they vanished.<br/><br/>The corpses stopped dragging themselves and one of them let out a disappointed moan. No one ever stayed to chat.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hermione was already shrieking when they reappeared on a cobbled walkway outside a sleek little restaurant.<br/><br/>“My files! You just splinched half my files! There’s probably a paper trail across the whole of England! And,” she patted at the back of her head in horror as she felt her hair coming undone from its plait, “My HAIR! You splinched off half my hair!”<br/><br/>“Oops. That was totally unintentional.” He murmured, bemused, “I thought I was better at side-along then that.”<br/><br/>“What did you expect when you grabbed me like that?” she turned away.<br/><br/>“Where are you going?”<br/><br/>“I can’t leave my files scattered on the ground!”<br/><br/>He stiffened, “I’m your client. I’m more important than your files.”<br/><br/>“Oh, you think so?”<br/><br/>“For Merlin’s sake woman, just call for your Elf. What was its name? Oh whatever. Agency Elf!”<br/><br/>Ginger appeared immediately with a sharp salute, ecstatic. “Ginger is being called by Mister Lord Malfoy sir!”<br/><br/>“Find Granger’s papers, Elf.”<br/><br/>“Malfoy, I can do it myself! I don’t want the poor thing to have to. . . .”<br/><br/>Ginger rounded on Hermione and several colorful knit items appeared out of nowhere and started smacking Hermione in the face, “Bad Lady is not to be stealing Ginger’s tasks! Bad Lady is not a House Elf! Bad Lady is not <em>worthy</em> of being House Elf!”<br/><br/>Then Ginger was gone with a furious crack.<br/><br/>“Wow!” Draco chortled, “Not worthy to be a House Elf. She told you.”<br/><br/>Hermione sputtered, smacking the knitted items to the ground even as she recognized them as her own work. Draco must have as well.<br/><br/>“Still trying to free House Elves against their will?”<br/><br/>Hermione scowled, collecting the little items and shoving them into her purse, “She doesn’t understand that she’s being taken advantage of.”<br/><br/>“Right. Of course. Anything you say. Lunch. Now.” And he hooked his arm with hers again and dragged her towards the restaurant.<br/><br/>“You could have just told me to meet you at Rosalda’s!” Hermione snarled, trying to jerk her arm away.<br/><br/>Malfoy gave her an odd look, “Why would I believe you even knew where Rosalda’s was? This is a high-end restaurant.”<br/><br/>“Then shouldn’t you be putting on your snot-face?”<br/><br/>He paused then nodded approvingly, “You’re absolutely right.”<br/><br/>Suddenly he was standing straighter, his stride longer, the clack of his heels sharper. His face was cold, his eyes glacial and a sneer curled his lips. Hermione tripped after him, dragged along with her papers still flapping out of her grasp and sheered braid fraying at the ends.<br/><br/>The doors flew open for them and the Maitre d’ looked up and smiled pleasantly.<br/><br/>Draco opened his mouth but the Maitre d’ cut him off.<br/><br/>“Ms. Granger! Lovely to see you, as always. Your usual table is ready.”<br/><br/>Hermione jerked her arm free and brushed herself off with a little huff, “Thank you, Pietro.”<br/><br/>“Qwah?” said Draco, stunned—and a little wounded—at having not received immediate recognition for his magnificence.<br/><br/>“Oh, and Lord Malfoy.” Pietro glanced between the two of them and didn’t seem to know what to say. “Ahem. . . .”<br/><br/>Hermione gave in to the inevitable, “Yes, with me. Don’t ask.”<br/><br/>Pietro didn’t even raise an eyebrow, “Lovely. Rebecca will seat you.”<br/><br/>“You made reservations?” Draco whispered delightedly as they followed a chipper young waitress.<br/><br/>Apparently Hermione had. Or her future-self had in the past. Or her past-self would in the future.<br/><br/>Hermione shrugged, “I come here a lot.”<br/><br/>Draco gave her a long sideways stare and then looked smug for some reason, grinning proudly to himself.<br/><br/>Hermione was afraid to wonder what he was thinking.<br/><br/>“You didn’t have to. They would have let me in regardless. It’s not as though they’d turn Lord Malfoy away.” He glanced at her, “Although it’s amazing they let you in here dressed the way you are, all muggle-like, and with your hair all crazy.”<br/><br/>“Shut up.”<br/><br/>“Here you are, Ms. Granger.” Rebecca showed them to a little corner table in a relaxing, low-lit area.<br/><br/>Hermione couldn’t help bristling over having to put up with Malfoy’s company at her favorite seat in her favorite restaurant. A second later, Ginger reappeared and unceremoniously dumped an armload of papers and a fistful of hair at Hermione’s feet, gave Hermione a dirty look and vanished, her task complete. Hermione dropped her face into her palms. Draco looked gleeful.<br/><br/>Rebecca didn’t bat an eyelash, “Lovely. Let me just take care of that for you.” And she called someone from the back to reattach Hermione’s hair while Hermione tried to reorganize her files in vain. “Oh, and you wanted us to hold this for you.” Rebecca handed a surprised Hermione a new folder.<br/><br/>Hermione opened it and found files for another house, a portkey and a house key. Excitedly, she realized her future self must have made the reservations and left her the information on the house Malfoy would want! This was fantastic! She wouldn’t have to waste any more time on this nonsense!<br/><br/>“Good news?” Draco asked, sipping something bubbly from a crystal glass.<br/><br/>“Hmm.” Hermione refrained from commenting, doing a little victory jig in her head, and finally letting herself relax. She just had to sale this house then she could set the clock back and maybe get some actual work done.<br/><br/>She pulled out her cell phone as Draco ordered something in French. She stared at him in askance, “This is an Italian restaurant. You can’t order French.”<br/><br/>“Of course I can. They’d be a piss-poor restaurant if they can’t get me whatever the hell I feel like ordering.” And he snapped his menu shut. He stared at her, “That’s a nice cell phone. Top of the line model actually. Almost as nice as my own,” he flipped his silver phone out to show her and Hermione recognized it as her best model. He gave her a coy look, “How ever do you afford one like that, real estate agent?”<br/><br/>“For your information, I have no problems owning a phone like this. And that’s barring the fact that I own the company.”<br/><br/>“W-what?” His eyes went huge.<br/><br/>She kept herself from smiling like the Cheshire cat, gleeful to be able to rub her success in his face, “Real estate is just a hobby of mine. It’s not what I do for a living.” She replied airily, pretending to ignore him.<br/><br/>“You so do not own the company! It’s run by Georgio Iscaldes, a pureblood from a very old, distinguished family known for their revolutionary magical inventions.”<br/><br/>“Yes, he runs my company. He was one of the people who helped me create the enchantments for the phones. Cell phones are a Muggle invention, Malfoy. I just redesigned an old concept for magical use.”<br/><br/>“Blasphemy! Next you’ll be saying that televisions are a Muggle invention.”<br/><br/>“You have a television?” Hermione asked excitedly, “Then maybe things are proceeding quicker than I expected. Televisions haven’t really caught on yet outside of mixed homes. They will once more Purebloods realize we’re broadcasting all professional Quidditch games. The televisions were much harder to design enchantments for then the cell phones, but I suspect that they will get easier and more refined with time. There isn’t much Wizarding programming outside of Quidditch at the moment and it has also been difficult to decide which, if any, Muggle shows we should air to the magical world. I don’t want the wrong ideas about Muggles being perpetuated. At the same time, our research shows that Wizards are fascinatingly more susceptible to subliminal messages. . . .” she cut herslef off quickly.<br/><br/>She hadn’t meant to say that last part aloud.<br/><br/>Draco was staring at her in something like horror. “Just what is it you do?” he asked quietly.<br/><br/>Hermione shrugged, moving out of the way as their food came, “I couldn’t really decide what I wanted to do after I left Hogwarts, so I decided to do everything.”<br/><br/>“Everything? I know you were teaching at Hogwarts and my father has complained about you being on the Board of Governors. . . .”<br/><br/>Maybe it was sheer ego, but she couldn’t help wanting to gloat, “The Ministry was left in a little bit of a mess after Kingsley and his Aurors cleaned it out. I was left in a bit of a unique position. I worked as a volunteer on several different committees in several different departments during the reorganization and restoration of the Ministry. Officially, I work for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures; unofficially, my duties extend much further than that. I never wanted to be an Auror but I trained alongside Harry and Ron, just because I felt it would help round out my abilities and give me access to who was coming in and out of the Auror program. I teach Muggle studies at Hogwarts but I’m also working on rewriting the curriculum for most of the other courses to better cover the topics and more efficiently use the time we’re given with the students. I’m next in line to be Headmistress but even that’s not really what I’m considering as an ‘occupation’ so to speak. I consider my occupation to be . . . bringing the Wizarding World into the 21st century.”<br/><br/>“Let me get this straight, you’ve got your sticky fingers in the Ministry, Hogwarts, business, and real estate and probably other things you haven’t mentioned . . . and no one knows?”<br/><br/>“Plenty of people know,” Hermione fiddled with her necklace, shrugging a little. “It’s not a secret.”<br/><br/>“What—are you going to be Minister for Magic next?”<br/><br/>Hermione opened her mouth to deny it but Malfoy’s eyes narrowed.<br/><br/>“Of course not. You’re using powerful and well-known pureblood wizards as the faces of your companies. You’re teaching Muggle studies—a particularly unremarkable teaching position—while readjusting the curriculum of all of the other Hogwarts classes to suit your whims. There’s no way you’d run for Minister. If you did, then you’d have people watching what you are doing. And you obviously don’t want that. So who <em>is</em> going to be Minister?”<br/><br/>“Harry Potter.” Hermione murmured in a small voice, “He just doesn’t know it yet.”<br/><br/>“A huh.”<br/><br/>“It’s not like I’m up to anything sinister. . . .” She wasn’t. Everything was on the up and up. All very legal and ethical.<br/><br/>Mostly.<br/><br/>“Why real estate?” he interrupted.<br/><br/>“What?”<br/><br/>“You can’t be doing this just because it’s fun. You don’t do ‘fun’.”<br/><br/>She frowned at him, “I can do fun.” She muttered, then shook herself, “Real estate because it gives me a feel of the Wizarding nation as a whole. Where are they living? How mixed in to the Muggle population are they? What are the current housing trends? What are the current housing prices and what can most Wizards afford? It’s really very interesting and gives me access to places and people I wouldn’t normally interact with. There are a LOT of hidden Wizarding villages out there.”<br/><br/>Malfoy was slowly shaking his head at her, disbelief on his face, “I can’t believe this. You are <em>insidious</em>.”<br/><br/>“I beg your pardon?” Hermione snapped, affronted.<br/><br/>“And you’ll probably get away with it because no one else thinks you’re capable of it. By the time they realize the truth, it’ll be too late.” He looked oddly excited about whatever it was he was rambling on about.<br/><br/>“Malfoy, what are you talking about?”<br/><br/>“I’m talking about your passive-aggressive conquest of the Wizarding word.”<br/><br/>“My what? Don’t be ridiculous!”<br/><br/>“We Malfoys can sense evil.” He told her proudly, “It’s like a seventh sense.”<br/><br/>“Seventh?” She almost asked what his ‘sixth’ sense was, but decided it was a trap and pushed the conversation onward, “Oh please, what is it exactly that you do then?”<br/><br/>He gave her a droll look, “Changing the subject? That was not subtle at all.” She sputtered but he continued on, “Well, since you asked, I couldn’t really decide what I wanted to do after Hogwarts. So I don’t do anything.”<br/><br/>“What?” She gasped, fork missing her mouth completely. The very idea was horrifying, “Nothing? How can you do nothing? You j-just . . . just waste your time?” her voice rose sharply, “How do you expect to ever figure out what you want to do if you don’t try things?”<br/><br/>He grinned, “It’ll come to me someday, I’m sure.”<br/><br/>“How can you even afford to buy a place if you’re doing nothing?”<br/><br/>“Two words: trust fund.”<br/><br/>Rebecca swept over with their bill and Draco pointed at Hermione who gave him the look-of-death, mouth full of pasta.<br/><br/>“It’s a business lunch and I’m the client.” Draco explained sweetly, “You’re treating me.”<br/><br/>Hermione swallowed quickly, “It was your idea and we didn’t even discuss any business!”<br/><br/>“Right, you have another place to show me, correct?”<br/><br/>She glanced at her folder, “Yes.”<br/><br/>“There, we discussed business.” He swept to his feet, “Come! No time to waste.”<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>Hermione hadn’t known what to expect with this new house—and really she knew better than to try and expect anything with Wizarding houses—but she couldn’t help feeling a pang of anxiety at the sight of what was obviously a Muggle-designed house. A gorgeous, glass-pane-walled, three-level, beachfront Muggle-designed house, but still a Muggle house. And while Draco hadn’t shown any extreme attraction towards traditional Wizard designs, she still feared that he would dismiss this one offhand and they’d have to start this entire process over.<br/><br/>She need not have worried.<br/><br/>“This is AMAZING! I’ve never seen anything like it!”<br/><br/>The house was built on a low cliff-side with the back end extending out into a deck that hovered over the ocean. The three levels of the house were low and rectangular with each level stacked further back from the level it sat on, creating spacious balconies. Most of the outer walls were glass and the rest were a sandy tan color. The front yard was mostly rock formations, sand and beach trees.<br/><br/>“What sort of Dark Lord designed this place?” Draco asked excitedly.<br/><br/>Heart lurching, Hermione scanned quickly through her notes and happily thanked future-Hermione when she found the appropriate area highlighted.<br/><br/>“What you’re looking at is fairly newly built. The Dark Lord’s dwelling was the original lower floor and everything beneath.”<br/><br/>“Beneath?”<br/><br/>“It sounds like he had a fairly modest-sized home on top and everything sinister was beneath the home. Either carved himself or perhaps built into natural sea caves.”<br/><br/>“Who was the Dark Lord?”<br/><br/>Hermione found the information and her eyebrows went up. This was sad. She tried to keep a straight face as she replied, “He-Who-Can’t-Be-Talked-About.”<br/><br/>Draco sputtered, “What? That’s the most ridiculous Dark Lord name ever!”<br/><br/>“I’ve read about this guy. He was a ridiculous Dark Lord. Well, it’s not just him. It has always been fashionable for Dark Lords to invent themselves new, evil-sounding names, but for a while it became really popular to be ‘so evil that no one would say your name’. It’s a trend on and off throughout Dark Lord history. Some people think this trend was what prompted Voldemort to slaughter all the other Dark Lords. He wanted to be the only ‘He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’. Before then, You-Know-Who, the Dark Lord, or He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named could have been referring to a lot of different people.”<br/><br/>“So this guy was killed by . . . urg, You-Know-Who?”<br/><br/>Hermione grinned but ignored the opportunity to tease him, scanning her notes, “Um, he disappeared somewhere around that period in the 1970’s so it’s assumed that he was.”<br/><br/>Draco scratched his jaw, “Dunno if I wanna live in the house of a pussy Dark Lord.”<br/><br/>Hermione rolled her eyes, pulling out the key, “Let’s just take a look at it.”<br/><br/>The floors were shiny hardwood and the window shades were wooden plates with heavy, luxurious curtains tied to the side with tasseled sashes. The kitchen was enormous and the twelve bedrooms were to die for. Hermione was half in love with the place herself as she escorted Malfoy back to the ground floor.<br/><br/>He was beaming.<br/><br/>“This is it. I want to move in today. Now. I’m going to put my television right over here and . . . .”<br/><br/>“Whoa there,” Hermione cut him off, giddy with success, “Let’s go back to my office, you can sign the papers, make the transaction and start moving in tonight.”<br/><br/>“Yes. Right. Immediately. Portkey. Now.” He snapped his fingers impatiently.<br/><br/>“Alright. Alright.”<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>Draco practically dragged her back to her office and didn’t read a single thing she put in front of him before he signed it. In the spirit of fair play, she tried to tell him a few important things after realizing he was just signing everything all willy-nilly, but he always just held up a finger and shushed her. So she let him do it and wished she had a few other things to put in front of him at the moment.<br/><br/>He called for Ginger, much to Hermione’s chagrin, and hurriedly shooed her off with copies of the paperwork to Gringotts and the Department of Housing and Development. Then he did a funny little bounce that Hermione recognized as a quickly stifled version of his old ‘Victory’ dance he did after winning a Quidditch Game. She managed to turn her laugh into a choked noise.<br/><br/>“So you’re all set.” She told him as she walked him to the front of the building, “You can start moving in immediately.”<br/><br/>“Good, because I’m not going home.” He shuddered with a grimace.<br/><br/>Hermione’s eyebrows rose curiously, “What happened to make you leave so suddenly?”<br/><br/>He shuddered again, “You don’t want to know.” He faced her as they reached the door, and his expression melted into something smug and almost coy, “By the way, I had a great time today.”<br/><br/>Dumbfounded, Hermione stared at him, “What?”<br/><br/>“I think we should do it again.”<br/><br/>“Buy a house?” She asked stupidly.<br/><br/>“No, go out.”<br/><br/>Hermione’s eyes narrowed, “Today wasn’t a date.” She snapped.<br/><br/>“No?” he grinned, “Because I was thinking that since you knew I wouldn’t have given you the time of day if you asked me out point blank, that you must have used the real estate job as a secret, sneaky way to go on a date with me. I mean, we spent the afternoon together, talked and ate, and got to know each other. You even confided in me about your evil plans. Sounds like a date to me. I must say, I was doubtful when you first approached me but then you really managed to impress me. What with all the evil oozing out of you like the most fragrant perfume.”<br/><br/>Hermione’s face was slowly turning brilliant red as suddenly all the smug little looks he’d given her all day started to make sense, “You’re delusional. I have no interest in dating you.”<br/><br/>“Puh-lease. Everyone wants to date me.” He buffed his nails on his chest, “And last I heard, you were crazy about me.”<br/><br/>She took a step back in alarm, looking about a bit wildly, “W-what? W-what are you talking about? Who said that?”<br/><br/>“And I’m sure after we were seen together today, the Prophet will run a story about it in tomorrow’s paper. We’d be quite a power-couple you realize. There will be all kinds of wild speculation and I’ll have to protect you from Purebloods who would never sanction such a relationship, but then I’ll be horribly wounded by Harry Potter who has come to protect your honor while riding a rabid hippogriff, and as I lay dying in a pool of my own blood, you’ll suddenly realize how much you loved me and that you’ll never be able to tell me now. So before any of that happens, maybe we should take the initiative and go into hiding at my new cozy beach house.”<br/><br/>Hermione couldn’t get her voice to work, “Malfoy. Seriously. What the fuck.” It wasn’t even a question.<br/><br/>He lost the grimly-determined, faraway look in his eyes and grinned, “It’s called visualization. You visualize the outcome you want and then you act as if that outcome is already fact. It’s a power technique that is proven to raise success rates in just about any venture.”<br/><br/>“I know what visualization is but I don’t think it’s meant to ignore reality.”<br/><br/>“You want to buy me dinner? Really? I have to warn you, I have expensive tastes.”<br/><br/>Hermione pushed him out the door and slammed it in face.<br/><br/>He hollered as she stomped away, “CALL ME!”<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>Harry knocked on the nondescript oak door of the nondescript little house in the nondescript Muggle neighborhood and smiled widely at the slender, middle-aged woman who answered the door.<br/><br/>“Harry! Ron!” the woman cried delightedly, and gave each young man a hug. “How good to see you.”<br/><br/>“Hi.” Harry said a bit shyly.<br/><br/>“Hey, Mrs. G.” Ron said.<br/><br/>“Come on in, boys. I’m afraid Hermione isn’t here.”<br/><br/>Harry grimaced, “Yeah, we know. We actually came to talk to you about her.”<br/><br/>Mrs. Granger froze, paling, “Is everything all right?”<br/><br/>“Yes!” Harry said quickly, “Sorry, everything’s fine. Or mostly fine.” They followed the woman into the house, Ron shutting the door behind them.<br/><br/>Mrs. Granger settled them on the living room couch and went to fetch tea and biscuits. Harry took a few deep breaths to calm his frazzled nerves as the sight of the rosy patterns on the pretty rug beneath his feet began to wear on his sanity.<br/><br/>Ron patted him on the back. “Need a Calming Draught?”<br/><br/>“No.” Harry shook his head.<br/><br/>“Where’s Mr. G.?” Ron asked when Mrs. Granger returned a moment later, setting the tray down on the coffee table.<br/><br/>“Gordon went to pick up Hermione’s Uncle Dan. They’ll be back any moment.” She set herself on the armchair across from them, “Now what’s all this about Hermione?”<br/><br/>Ron looked at Harry. He was better at this kind of thing.<br/><br/>“Well, we’re just a bit concerned about the way she’s been acting.” Harry started carefully.<br/><br/>“She’s a work-a-holic.” Ron cut in bluntly, taking a bite of cookie. “But she’s doing the work of like ten people, and that’s not normal even for a work-a-holic.”<br/><br/>Harry elbowed him, giving him a quelling look, “She barely comes to our weekly breakfast anymore and, unless we meet in passing at work, we don’t see her for the rest of the week. As far as we know, she isn’t seeing any other friends or taking any time off besides the few minutes she spares to have breakfast with us.”<br/><br/>Mrs. Granger nodded solemnly, “I’ve noticed. She hasn’t been over to visit her father and me in six months. She calls once a week but it’s like clockwork. She must have it scheduled into her day because it’s always at six o’clock on Thursday night and always for exactly ten minutes.”<br/><br/>Harry nodded, watching Mrs. Granger’s face closely so he wouldn’t notice the minuscule layer of dust gathering on the furniture around them like a choking blanket. Beads of sweat formed on his temple. “We tried to talk to her about it a little, and I think she feels bad that we feel neglected, but she doesn’t think she’s doing anything wrong because—well, she’s not doing anything wrong! She’s working. She’s getting things done. That’s a good thing in her books. But she seems to have no concept of her own limitations or of enjoying a balanced life.”<br/><br/>“She always tries so hard.” Mrs. Granger bemoaned softly, “I can’t help but wonder if maybe it was something I did, if I put too many expectations on her as a child.” She looked up at them helplessly, “Do you think I shouldn’t have told her so often that she was all that was standing between this nation and complete educational and cultural collapse? Or how proud of her I would be one day when she ruled the world?”<br/><br/>Harry choked on his tea.<br/><br/>“Uhh. . . .” Ron said.<br/><br/>“Because I knew, by the time she was five-years-old I knew, that I was raising a child that might one day take this nation apart by sheer willpower alone. Heaven knows that if she didn’t have such a strong moral backbone we’d have all been dead ages ago. Frankly, I was a bit relieved when she decided to focus on the Magical world instead of the normal one. Dodged that bullet.”<br/><br/>“Uhh. . . .” Ron said again.<br/><br/>“I even framed her little picture.” Mrs. Granger gave a little sniffle and pointed up towards the fireplace. A crayon drawing of a girl stick figure standing on top of the world and wearing a crown on her head hung in a gilt frame surrounded by what looked like a little shrine of candles and incense.<br/><br/>Well, that was ominous.<br/><br/>“Er, what’s done is done.” Harry set his teacup down carefully, breath hitching slightly when he saw cookie crumbs on the coffee table. Resolutely, he tore his eyes away, hands trembling, left eye twitching, “She told us that you invited her over to visit with her Uncle Dan and that she told you she couldn’t make it.”<br/><br/>Mrs. Granger looked sad again. “The truth is we invited Dan here to try and talk some sense into her. Her and Dan are crazy about each other. And Dan’s very practical and down-to-earth. But it won’t work unless she actually speaks to him. Even if she does visit, she’ll only stay for a few minutes before she leaves.”<br/><br/>Harry nodded sagely, “I was thinking that all of us: me, Ron, you, Mr. G. and Uncle Dan, might go to her house instead of waiting for to come here. Maybe we can even stay for a few days. That way, she can’t avoid us.”<br/><br/>“Won’t she be angry?” Mrs. Granger asked worriedly.<br/><br/>“I don’t think so. Surprised maybe. But this way she’s not going out of her way to change her schedule and come visit us. We’ll just be there to see her whenever she comes home. And maybe we can convince her to stay home with us. Maybe if she sees that the world won’t implode if she stays home for the weekend she’ll settle down.”<br/><br/>“That’s a wonderful idea. You know, Gordon and I have never seen where she lives.”<br/><br/>“Oh, it’s a great place. Over-working herself aside, she’s done very well for herself.”<br/><br/>“I knew she would. I always told my baby she was destined for greatness, that she would utterly revolutionize the world as we know it.”<br/><br/>“Er. . . .”<br/><br/>A car pulled into the driveway and honked.<br/><br/>“There they are!”<br/><br/>“NOOO! AUNT MARGE!” Screamed Harry, suddenly grabbing his head, and Ron quickly shot him with a Calming Charm.<br/><br/>“Snap out of it, Har. Sorry, Mrs. G. He has flashbacks in family room settings.”<br/><br/>“I remember.” She replied calmly.<br/><br/>“Oh,” Harry breathed, blinking, “Sorry. Um,” he stood up a bit shakily, “Should we go help with the bags?”<br/><br/>Mrs. Granger waved him away, “Please don’t. Dan gets grumpy if we ‘suggest’ that he can’t carry his own bags.”<br/><br/>The door opened and Gordon Granger’s tall, slightly stooped form entered, “Did I hear screaming?”<br/><br/>“It was just Harry, dear.” Mrs. Granger gave him a kiss.<br/><br/>“Oh! Hey Dan, the boys are here!” Gordon called over his shoulder.<br/><br/>He moved out of the way and an extremely big man stepped into the house. The man was about an inch taller than Ron’s six-foot-four and almost twice as broad. There wasn’t an ounce of fat on him. He had a rugged, square jaw with a five-o-clock shadow and a shaved head. He stared at them with cold, hard eyes, a rucksack tossed over his shoulder.<br/><br/>“Aunt Marge?” Harry whimpered.<br/><br/>“Shh, Harry, shh.” Mrs. Granger patted Harry on the back.<br/><br/>“These them?” Dan asked in a deep, gruff voice with a heavy accent.<br/><br/>“Yes, Dan, these are Hermione’s best friends Ron and Harry.” She turned to her husband, “Gordon, Harry had a wonderful idea. He thinks we should all go up and stay with Hermione.”<br/><br/>Gordon exclaimed over the idea but Dan obviously wasn’t listening. His blistering eyes slid to Ron, “Red hair. You’re the one she dated.”<br/><br/>“Virgin!” Ron yelped, “She’s still a virgin. I did nothing! We did nothing. She’s a virgin! I’m a virgin! We’re all virgins!”<br/><br/>Don snorted, “I believe it.”<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>For Wizards—who did not have to deal with the stress of packing and hauling everything they owned from one place to another—moving was nothing but an excuse for a major party.<br/><br/>While the House Elves shrunk, packed and relocated all his things from home, Draco spent the rest of the afternoon calling all of his friends and shopping for new furniture at various stores and buying whatever his little heart desired.<br/><br/>By the time he arrived back to his new home, everyone else was already there with food and drink and his house-warming party was well underway. And getting a bit lively before he’d even arrived, from the looks of it.<br/><br/>All the lights in the place were on and loud music thumped through the air. Draco once again paused to admire his purchase against the darkening sky. The people inside were jumping in his pool, drinking in front of his television or ordering the House Elves to move the furniture around.<br/><br/>Draco hoped his parents weren’t planning on showing up tonight. He didn’t think they would, too wrapped up in having the manor to themselves, but one could never tell with Lucius.<br/><br/>“DRACO! This place is fantastic!” Tracey Davis squealed and threw herself at him the moment he entered. He hugged her hard, as she complained, “Mom and dad won’t even let me leave the house without an escort let alone move out!”<br/><br/>Draco sniffed, “Apparently mine couldn’t wait to get rid of me.”<br/><br/>“What were they doing when you left?” Millicent Bulstrode asked, strolling over.<br/><br/>“You don’t want to know.” Draco assured her.<br/><br/>She crossed her arms, “Just as I thought, they throw you out and start working on a new son. Did you ever think Draco, that maybe they’re disappointed with the way you turned out and want a new heir?”<br/><br/>Draco’s eyes narrowed at her, unable to stop the small pang of suspicious worry, “Oh please.”<br/><br/>“Are they acting strange around you all of a sudden? Think about it Draco, you never even finished Hogwarts and it’s not as though you have any rare or powerful talents.”<br/><br/>“Why exactly did I invite you?” Draco asked with a snarl and stalked away from her.<br/><br/>Tracey punched Millicent in the arm, scowling, “Why do you do that? You know how he gets! He’s got the imagination of a hyperactive five-year-old that’s gorged itself on chocolate frogs.”<br/><br/>“Wind him up and let him go.” Millicent said with a satisfied smirk.<br/><br/>Draco found Goyle and Nott sitting on his couch watching Quidditch. Zabini was off to the side, leaning against the bar and looking disapproving.<br/><br/>“This place is great, Draco!” Nott yelled, saluting him with a butterbeer.<br/><br/>“This place is <em>Muggle</em>.” Spat Zabini.<br/><br/>“Shut up, Zabini, this place is fucking awesome!” Said a deep voice and Draco’s head flew up.<br/><br/>“P- I mean MANSY!” he cried, running over with his arms wide and then stopping himself as he stared at her . . . him, “Damn this is awkward. I would hug you, but it would totally feel weird now.”<br/><br/>Mansy grinned at him, puffing up proudly as Draco stared at his friend’s new, manly body. “It’s great to see you, Draco.”<br/><br/>“I didn’t realize you could be out of bed yet or I would have invited you! I was planning to come visit you Monday.”<br/><br/>“The Healers said I took to the spells perfectly. I feel great.”<br/><br/>“Awww, and that’s where. . . .” Draco reached out and groped Mansy’s flat chest. “I’m gonna really miss the girls.”<br/><br/>“That’s gross, Draco!” Goyle yelled.<br/><br/>“But I loved them!” Draco protested, “I thought about them all the time when we were at Hogwarts.”<br/><br/>“That’s enough, Draco.” Mansy brushed Draco’s hands away and rolled his eyes at Draco’s sad face, “So what’s up with this place. It’s really awesome but,” he lowered his voice, putting his arm around Draco’s shoulders and leading him away from the other boys, “Zabini’s right, it’s got a bit of a Muggle feel to it.”<br/><br/>“It’s called being incognito.” Draco sniffed haughtily, reaching for some finger food the House Elves had set out and trying not to look startled when the plate lifted itself for him. He played off his little flinch by waving through the window at Adrian Pucey, Morag McDougal and Marcus Flint who were making use of the pool, “Who would ever suspect a Dark Lord lived in such a Muggle-looking environment.”<br/><br/>“You’re not a Dark Lord, Draco.” Zabini scoffed.<br/><br/>Draco scowled, “I’m not talking about me, dumbass! This house belonged to a Dark Lord. He vanished in the 1970’s and everyone thinks he was killed by You-Know-Who but no one knows for sure.”<br/><br/>“Bullshit.” Goyle coughed into his hand.<br/><br/>“Who told you that, Draco?” Nott asked.<br/><br/>“The woman who sold me the house.”<br/><br/>Zabini snickered, “You’ve been scammed.”<br/><br/>Draco smirked and faced him, crossing his arms, “It was Hermione Granger.”<br/><br/>Everyone in the room groaned loudly and collectively and buried their faces in their hands.<br/><br/>“—so it must be true.” Draco finished with satisfaction. “She’s evil now, you know.”<br/><br/>“Oh this is going to be good.” Millicent said from where her and Tracey stood in the doorway.<br/><br/>“She’s quietly gathering power from the shadows and someday when we least expect it, we’ll turn around and she’ll have taken over everything.”<br/><br/>Zabini and Millicent exchanged amused looks and Mansy still had her—his face in his hands.<br/><br/>“She tell you this, Draco?” Nott ventured, uncertainly.<br/><br/>“She didn’t have to. It was in her eyes.”<br/><br/>“The woman who sells houses is going to take over the Wizarding world?” Nott pressed.<br/><br/>“Selling houses is just a hobby. She has her fingers in just about everything. Did you know she owns the cell phone company—created it, in fact. And, if I read her correctly, the television is her invention as well.”<br/><br/>More groaning filled the room.<br/><br/>“Draco, Purebloods own those companies.” Mansy tried patiently to reason with him.<br/><br/>“Stalking horses.” Draco declared, dramatically, “Facades to keep us complacent. Beautiful faces hiding an insidious truth.”<br/><br/>“Why are we talking about Granger?” Tracey asked in annoyance.<br/><br/>“Because Draco thinks with his dick,” muttered Nott.<br/><br/>“Only sometimes.” Draco said and felt up Mansy’s chest again.<br/><br/>“So are you going to prove to us that a Dark Lord lived here?” Zabini drawled.<br/><br/>Draco frowned, “Granger said his real dwelling was hidden beneath this house. I haven’t found a door that goes downstairs yet. . . .”<br/><br/>To his left, the wall shivered and shifted before their eyes, and a large, black door appeared. It looked to be made of iron and had screaming faces carved into it.<br/><br/>Draco’s eyebrows rose and he stared smugly around at the stunned, silent group. “Found it.”<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>“I don’t know about this, Draco.” Mansy murmured as Draco squeaked in delight and pulled his hand away from the door yet again because the carved faces kept snarling and turning to look at his hand every time he touched the doorknob. He was practically giggling over it.<br/><br/>The others had gotten up and surrounded them, muttering quietly amongst themselves.<br/><br/>“So, Zabini,” Draco grinned, “A Muggle home, huh?” he twisted the knob and had to push very hard at the door to get the heavy thing to squeal open.<br/><br/>He choked on a rush of stale air and pulled out his wand for a bright lumos when there was only blackness behind the door.<br/><br/>The inside walls were carved sea cave, dark and damp and smelling of salt and brine. The echo of dripping water resounded through what was obviously a very large, very deep cavern.<br/><br/>“This is fucking awesome.” Nott whispered, hoarsely.<br/><br/>The stairs immediately at their feet were sturdy rock enclosed by high walls on both sides so Draco felt safe marching his way down.<br/><br/>“Whoa, whoa!” yelled Tracey Davis, “If this really is some Dark Lord’s secret hideout, shouldn’t you be getting curse-breakers in here to screen the place before you just go marching in?”<br/><br/>“I’m sure it’s fine. They wouldn’t have sold the place to me if it wasn’t.” Draco dismissed the concern casually.<br/><br/>“And how do you know they ever even found the entrance?” Mansy demanded.<br/><br/>“I’m not going down there.” Millicent said and Tracey nodded emphatic agreement. Zabini and Nott murmured something along the same lines and Draco gave them all a scornful look.<br/><br/>Mansy and Goyle followed him grimly down the black stairs, torches lighting for them automatically with whooshes of heat as they made their way further and further down.<br/><br/>Draco’s footsteps echoed loudly as he stepped from the stairs out into the open. “Wow!”<br/><br/>He could tell the place was huge but everything was enclosed in darkness and the roof was so high he couldn’t see it. The air was cool and moist and he took a few steps forward then kind of scuttled back as he saw he was on something of a circular platform of rock.<br/><br/>The floor was only about thirty feet in diameter before it dropped off into nothing.<br/><br/>He crept a bit closer to the edge to take a peek over and gulped when he couldn’t see anything.<br/><br/>“Draco, get away from the ledge!” Mansy hissed, high and sharp. Goyle stayed huddled near the stairs.<br/><br/>“I can see something over there.” Draco pointed across the chasm to where the lumos barely illuminated another platform and another set of stairs.<br/><br/>He could probably go get his broom or hop on over with the right spell. There was something in here. Something completely amazing. He could feel it. Like a tickling sensation in the back of his brain.<br/><br/>“That’s enough, Draco. This is dangerous.” Mansy muttered, “Tracey’s right. You should have this place checked out before you do anything stupid.”<br/><br/>“But it’s my house!” Draco whined.<br/><br/>“And we came here for a party.” Mansy argued.<br/><br/>“Fine.” Draco grumbled and he followed the grateful group as they hurried back up the stairs. He hesitated once at the top, feeling the little tickles behind his eyes urging him to come back down.<br/><br/>Frowning, promising himself he’d come back down later, he shut the door.<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>“Sooo, um, mom. And dad.” Hermione stood hesitantly in her doorway, keys jingling in her hand, “This is a surprise.”<br/><br/>Her parents beamed at her. Hermione grimaced slightly and shut the door, hurrying to give them both hugs. It wasn’t that she was unhappy to see them, it was just that she still had so much left to do today. It was only midmorning. Plus she was tired from having spent the whole next week browbeating the other Unspeakables into moving more funding to her projects. Some of them were getting a little querulous; she’d have to put a stop to that last week. Maybe that would make next week easier.<br/><br/>Though she supposed it hadn’t since she’d just gotten finished arguing with them in the future.<br/><br/>Hermione grimaced. Sometimes it was all a bit too much for even her to remember.<br/><br/>Her mother wrung her hands nervously, “We thought since you were so busy, it would be easier for us to come see you rather then for you to have to drop everything to come see us.”<br/><br/>How had she not known her parents were coming to visit? She’d been pretty busy in the Department of Mysteries, had barely seen daylight really but . . . . Hermione blinked in confusion. How long had it been since she’d been home?<br/><br/>“Did you clean my house?” Hermione asked in surprise and a little horror, staring around at her gleaming floors and sparkling walls.<br/><br/>“No.” her mom looked confused, “It was your little . . . um, friend thing?”<br/><br/>Hermione was completely baffled until Ginger appeared, buffing a dish and sneering at Hermione meanly, “Ginger is being a gooood House Elf and cleaning nasty, Bad Lady’s filthy home.” The House Elf mocked.<br/><br/>“ELF!” Bellowed Hermione.<br/><br/>“Oh look at Ginger!” Ginger sang, “She is folding Bad Lady’s laundry!”<br/><br/>A load of fluffy, sweet-smelling towels whipped through the room and folded themselves neatly into the hall closet.<br/><br/>“You little beast!” Hermione hissed, clenching her fists in impotent rage.<br/><br/>“Is Bad Lady scolding Ginger?” the House Elf practically purred, “Does Ginger need to be punishing herself? Bad Ginger!” and the Elf slammed her head into the wall.<br/><br/>“Stop!” Hermione shouted, “You little nutcase! You—,” she narrowed her eyes, “Oh that’s WONDERFUL!” she cried exaggeratedly, “Ginger is SUCH a FABULOUS Elf! I just appreciate your work SO much! Thank you Ginger, now I don’t have to lift a finger. You’ve made my night so much easier!”<br/><br/>Ginger stopped slamming her head into the wall to glower at Hermione with a sneer. Hermione stopped mocking the Elf and the two of them glared at each other.<br/><br/>“Ginger will be back.” Warned the Elf nastily, and disapparated.<br/><br/>“What the hell was that?” Ron Weasley asked, mouth full, as was normal for Ron Weasley.<br/><br/>Hermione puffed out a breath and cracked a grin at Ron who was standing in the kitchen doorway, covered in flour, with a mixing bowl in his arms. “Ron!”<br/><br/>She ran over to give him a hug then muscled past him into the kitchen where she found Harry hunched over another mixing bowl with a glassy look in his eyes.<br/><br/>“Keep whisking,” Dan ordered, “You want that nice and frothy.”<br/><br/>“Yes, Aunt Petunia.” Harry demurred meekly in a dazed voice.<br/><br/>“Uncle Dan!” Hermione shrieked and flung her arms around the huge man who was wearing a powder blue apron.<br/><br/>“I baked you a cake.” Said Dan, lifting her off the floor and giving her a squeeze. “I heard you’re too busy and important to come see me.”<br/><br/>“Erm, heh.” Hermione blushed, “I . . . I have been sort of busy.” So busy in the past and future that she wasn’t even certain anymore if she was in the present.<br/><br/>“Yeah, I heard.” He set her down and turned back to the stove. “Plans for world domination.”<br/><br/>“Noo! It’s not like that!” Hermione whined, “I’m just trying to do a little good. Use my influence to better society a little.”<br/><br/>“Your Uncle’s a Yank.” was Ron’s non sequitur, dipping his fingers into the bowl of batter.<br/><br/>“Hands out of the batter!” Dan barked, sending Harry scurrying for cover.<br/><br/>“Daddy didn’t move to England until he was twenty-six.” Hermione informed Ron. “Oh, Merlin! Harry! Has he been like this the whole time?” she took the bowl from the dazed man’s arms and hugged him.<br/><br/>“Hi ‘Mione.” Harry murmured blearily.<br/><br/>“Little bit of a fruitcake, that one.” Dan grunted.<br/><br/>Hermione glared, “Don’t talk about Harry like that. He’s had traumatic experiences.”<br/><br/>“So has everyone in this room.” Dan dismissed her argument, focused on his cooking.<br/><br/>“Harry can handle murder attempts and nearly getting blown up. He just gets a bit twitchy in family settings.” She started herding Harry towards the door, “Why don’t you go visit with mom and dad, Harry?”<br/><br/>Harry’s cell phone chose that moment to start ringing.<br/><br/>“Mrrr?” said Harry.<br/><br/>Rolling her eyes, Hermione grabbed his phone, “Hello, Harry Potter’s phone, Hermione speaking.”<br/><br/>There was a long pause.<br/><br/>“This is Miss Granger?” asked a cultured woman’s voice.<br/><br/>“Yes, this is Hermione Granger. Harry Potter is in the middle of a regressive flashback, can I help you?”<br/><br/>Another pause, “Perhaps. This is Narcissa Malfoy. I was contacting Mr. Potter in regards to the life debt he owes me.”<br/><br/>Hermione shifted, leaning against the door, a sinking feeling in her chest, “Excuse me.”<br/><br/>“Yes, during the Battle of Hogwarts, I lied to the Dark Lord—directly to his face—for Mr. Potter’s life. I’ve called to collect.”<br/><br/>“And what is it exactly that you want?”<br/><br/>“Discretion.” The woman said evasively, “Nothing too difficult, I assure you. But I do not wish to speak of it over the phone. Come to the manor immediately and I will tell you what I require.”<br/><br/>“Me? Or Harry?”<br/><br/>“It doesn’t matter to me as long as you are discreet.”<br/><br/>“Alright then.” She hung up without saying goodbye.<br/><br/>“What was that?” Ron asked, obviously realizing something was up.<br/><br/>Dan said nothing, but watched her narrowly.<br/><br/>“Someone is threatening to sue Harry again. I have to go stop by my office for a moment.” She pulled Harry out of the kitchen and sat him between her parents on the couch.<br/><br/>“You mean you’re leaving already?” her mother asked unhappily as Ron followed her to the front door.<br/><br/>“I’ll be right back, I promise. Just make yourselves at home. The guest rooms should be all put together. And Ron, please stop leaving Harry with Uncle Dan.”<br/><br/>She glared at her Uncle who stood in the doorway of the kitchen with his arms folded.<br/><br/>“Be back for lunch.” The man ordered.<br/><br/>“I’ll try.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hermione really hated Malfoy manor.<br/><br/>It was big, it was pretentious, the driveway went on FOREVER and the stupid albino peacocks were giving her looks.<br/><br/>“Don’t even start with me!” she shouted at one particularly shifty-looking one that had started to follow her. It fluffed itself and stalked away.<br/><br/>She knocked at the huge, ginormous front door and then waited for more of forever for someone to answer.<br/><br/>The door finally opened a crack and a harried Narcissa Malfoy peeked out at her, “Are you alone?”<br/><br/>“Yes. Now what do you want? I have things to do.”<br/><br/>Narcissa frowned, opening the door a little wider and shooting glances about before stepping back to let Hermione in.<br/><br/>“What I require from you,” the woman began as she shut the massive door, “—is absolute secrecy. You must not speak to anyone about this. It could ruin the Malfoy name.”<br/><br/>Hermione hesitated but then decided she didn’t care about whatever stupid mess the Malfoys were in and pulled out her wand to swear secrecy.<br/><br/>“You sold Draco that house, didn’t you?” Narcissa asked.<br/><br/>Hermione blinked, “Yes, erm, yesterday?” She hadn’t given it another thought, despite Draco text messaging her about ten times a day.<br/><br/>“Three days ago.” The woman snapped.<br/><br/>Oops.<br/><br/>“Tell me truthfully, was there any sort of a curse on that house?”<br/><br/>Hermione’s heart lurched and she stood still for a moment but then she thought back and realized that no, there hadn’t actually been a curse on that particular home. At least her files had said nothing about a curse. She hadn’t cared at the time—despite her original plans to sell him a cursed home—because she was so excited about finishing the sale.<br/><br/>“No. There was no curse, as far as I know. But it did belong to a Dark Lord.”<br/><br/>Narcissa made a noise too lady-like to be a groan, “Then perhaps it is not simply Draco.”<br/><br/>“What do you mean?”<br/><br/>“My son has been calling me nonstop these past seventy-two hours to tell me in explicit detail how incredibly magnificent his house is.”<br/><br/>“Well, that’s great right?”<br/><br/>“He has become increasingly excited, insisting that there are strange creatures in his house that speak to him inside his head.”<br/><br/>Hermione cringed, “Yeee, that’s not so good.”<br/><br/>“He came here about an hour ago and tried to show me one of these creatures but I saw nothing and he became more and more agitated over the matter. The things he said were absolute lunacy. I feared—I feared that my son might be experiencing some sort of breakdown. He has always had an active imagination, but this is over the top even for him. I attempted to subdue him but he ran away from me. I need someone, someone with a strong psychology background to go have a look at him and I need them to keep utterly silent on the matter.”<br/><br/>Hermione frowned, “I’m a licensed psychologist in both the Muggle and Magical worlds.”<br/><br/>“Well, that makes matters easier. You will go diagnose Draco immediately. If he has suffered a breakdown, you will bring him here as quickly and quietly and as discreetly as possible. No one must find out about this.”<br/><br/>“Okay, but I can’t tonight. I have company.”<br/><br/>“I don’t care.” Narcissa said coldly, “You will take care of this matter promptly.”<br/><br/>Hermione opened her mouth to argue but was cut off by a voice booming loudly, singing in a silky baritone, “BOOOORRRRN FREEEEEE. . . .”<br/><br/>Hermione didn’t understand what she was seeing at first.<br/><br/>She had to blink spots from her eyes, blinded first by the paleness of Draco’s father’s torso as he came waltzing down the main staircase in nothing but his birthday suit, and then blinded by her brain’s own refusal to accept what her eyes were seeing.<br/><br/>Lucius didn’t even pause. Still singing, albeit more quietly, he about-faced in one quick step, giving Hermione an eyeful of his proudly muscled ass, and waltzed right back up the stairs, back ramrod straight but otherwise not seeming to hurry.<br/><br/>Frigid blue-eyes filled Hermione’s vision. Hermione blinked and found Narcissa’s face very close to hers.<br/><br/>“You looking at my man?” Narcissa snarled.<br/><br/>“Uh, no!” Hermione turned her face to the side, studying the walls, “I didn’t see anything. I didn’t see anybody.”<br/><br/>Narcissa’s eyes narrowed at her warily, “He has a fantastic ass, doesn’t he?”<br/><br/>Hermione caught herself just in time, teeth clicking together before she could agree and quickly revised her answer, “Who?”<br/><br/>Narcissa glared at her, “Hmph. Go diagnose Draco.”<br/><br/>And Hermione was so flustered that she went.<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>Luna Lovegood woke up that morning knowing it was going to be a fabulous and exciting day for magic. After eating a quick breakfast she put on her prettiest robes and her most rugged hiking boots. A moment’s pause and she added some noodle hair clips, a homemade necklace of dried apples with faces carved into them and a really pretty ring she’d gotten for a single coin at a Muggle convenience store.<br/><br/>With that, Luna went to sit on her front porch, ignoring the curious looks her father tossed at her whenever he passed the front window.<br/><br/>She didn’t have long to wait.<br/><br/>Draco Malfoy appeared at her gates, stumbling wildly, with his hair askew and his face smudged with dirt. His face brightened excitedly when he saw her.<br/><br/>“Hey! Loony!” he flung the little garden gate open, ran up to grab her arm and started dragging her back down the path, “Come with me!”<br/><br/>“Hello, Draco Malfoy!” Luna sang, “Am I going to spend time in your basement again?”<br/><br/>Draco beamed, “How did you guess?”<br/><br/>“HEY!” Xenophilius burst out the door, “Kidnapper! Come back here with my daughter!”<br/><br/>“Sorry! I’ll have her back soon!” Draco hollered cheerfully and they vanished.<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>“You have got to see this, Loony.” Draco babbled as their feet crunched on the sand and gravel walkway. “No one else will listen. Maybe you’ll know what’s going on.”<br/><br/>“Your house is very nice!” Luna stated, charmed, “It has a very happy feel to it.”<br/><br/>Draco grinned, “Does it? I think so too.”<br/><br/>Mansy, Goyle, Tracey, Pucey and Nott were waiting for them inside.<br/><br/>“Draco, you’ve got to be kidding me,” moaned Mansy with a look of disgust at Luna, who was staring straight back at her, obviously very impressed.<br/><br/>“Hello, Draco Malfoy’s friends.” Luna sang, not quite remembering any of their names. It wasn’t like they had ever spoken to her at Hogwarts, or like she was ever locked in their basements. “Your Vlimsum pathways are looking extremely aligned today, good sir.” She said to Mansy in a tone that suggested that this was a very great compliment.<br/><br/>Mansy just gave Draco a look.<br/><br/>“What?” he asked coolly, chin thrust in the air, “I bet she’ll believe me.”<br/><br/>“I’m sure she will. She’ll believe anything!”<br/><br/>“She knows about things like this.” Draco argued hotly.<br/><br/>“Right. We’re staying up here.” Mansy flung himself into one of the sofa chairs and picked up the Daily Prophet, blocking Draco from view.<br/><br/>Draco sneered, “You guys do that. And keep watch. My parents could attack at any moment.”<br/><br/>Mansy lowered the Prophet slightly, troubled, “Your parents aren’t out to kill you, Draco.” But he sounded uncertain.<br/><br/>“I’ve already told you,” Draco said tightly, “I went home and mother just attacked me out of nowhere! Millicent was right, they’re out to kill me and replace me with a new heir. So you guys keep watch.”<br/><br/>The lot of them exchanged looks and nodded reluctantly.<br/><br/>Draco nodded decisively and dragged Luna to the nearest wall. Immediately, a heavy iron door appeared.<br/><br/>“Oooooh.” Said Luna, reaching out and touching the contorting faces. They gummed at her fingers fiercely but didn’t seem to bite.<br/><br/>Draco grinned, “I think that’s some of them.”<br/><br/>“Hmm?”<br/><br/>Draco swung the door open and Luna followed him down the dank steps without hesitation.<br/><br/>“My house is awesome!” Draco started loudly, “I started noticing it right away. Things I wanted came to me. Doorways and hallways moved to wherever I needed them. Furniture created itself right before my eyes when I wanted to sit down. But that’s not anything too fantastic, you know. Just great charm work or something. Only it’s not!”<br/><br/>They reached the bottom landing and the platform rumbled beneath them as torches sprang up from the ground and lights appeared high, very high, above them in the ceiling, illuminating the small rocky platform they were on.<br/><br/>“Everything kept itself clean, but I didn’t notice because I’m used to House Elves.” He turned on Luna, and said, in a voice full of wonder, “Did you know that breakfast doesn’t make itself?”<br/><br/>Luna nodded sagely.<br/><br/>“I didn’t. Almost starved trying to figure out where breakfast was. Laundry doesn’t do itself either. It was just bizarre to realize. But I don’t have any House Elves here. My parents were only going to let me borrow the manor Elves and I haven’t asked them for any yet. And none of my friend’s Elves stayed. I don’t think I would have even noticed that something strange was going on if I couldn’t hear them in my head.” He turned around, peering through the dim caverns, “Come on guys. Come out. I want her to see you.” He glanced at Luna, “They’re very shy.”<br/><br/>Luna squinted through the darkness eagerly.<br/><br/>Three sets of very large, very bright eyes appeared over the chasm in front of them and then vanished just as quickly.<br/><br/>“Oh come on, guys! She’s not going to hurt you.” Draco cajoled.<br/><br/>A moment later the eyes reappeared and then three very large creatures slowly became visible, floating in the air.<br/><br/>They were nearly the exact color of the rocks around them. Whether they were furry or smooth-skinned, Luna couldn’t really tell. They had six, long legs and even longer bodies, with swishing lizard-like tails and tapered feet. Their muzzles were squashed, any features hidden by the almost helmeted appearance of their horned head plate.<br/><br/>Luna gasped and the creatures promptly popped into tiny versions of themselves and whipped through the air to hide in Draco’s robes and hair.<br/><br/>“Nargles!” Luna breathed, hands over her mouth in wonder.<br/><br/>“Is that what they are?” Draco asked with a laugh, reaching up to poke the little beings in his hair. One of them grasped his finger.<br/><br/>Luna nodded frantically.<br/><br/>“I knew you’d know what they are! I’m brilliant!” he gave himself a satisfied nod, “They’re amazing. They shape-shift, they’re all different sizes. They’re everywhere in this house! That’s what I meant when I told you that the door might be them. I think they might even BE this house, that they might have built it themselves. But they won’t show themselves to anyone else and no one else can hear them like I can!”<br/><br/>He held out his arms and more nargles appeared from the air, from the walls, flying about, some of them traipsing over his arms like little tiny horses.<br/><br/>“You’re a nargle-whisperer!” Luna realized in amazement, moved almost to tears.<br/><br/>“Nargles.” Draco repeated. “Why haven’t I ever heard of them?”<br/><br/>Luna’s face became serious, “You know how a lot of Wizards feel about Magical Creatures. They’re jealous of them. They’re afraid of them.”<br/><br/>Draco nodded, sobering. “But these guys are great! They’re so sweet!” he nuzzled one of them and it let out a tiny cry of joy.<br/><br/>“Nargles are thieves and tricksters. And they shape-shift. They can be anything, just like you said.”<br/><br/>“They haven’t stolen from me,” Draco cried indignantly, “Or even tried to trick me!”<br/><br/>“You’re a nargle-whisperer,” she repeated, “They wouldn’t. Nargles were thought to be wiped out three hundred years ago. They form colonies in rocky caverns like this one. Every pocket of them was found and killed.”<br/><br/>Draco sucked in a harsh breath, head jerking up in horror.<br/><br/>“The word ‘Nargle’ was made taboo, never spoken, never written down. All documents on nargles were destroyed. But that was so long ago that everyone who knew about the taboo is dead. There is no one left to enforce it and most people think nargles are a mythical creature.”<br/><br/>“But these guys survived? No wonder they hide from everyone. But I don’t understand. Why kill them?”<br/><br/>“For the very reason you stated, they can become anything they’ve ever seen or that you can imagine. Large, small, heavy, light, wood, metal, water, fire, a sword in your hand,” and as Draco thought it several nargles vanished and a long gleaming blade appeared in his grasp, “Wings on your back,” with another flash white wings sprang from Draco’s shoulders and flapped, taking him into the air.<br/><br/>“Whoa!”<br/><br/>“A 599 GTO V12 berlinetta Ferrari.”<br/><br/>Draco yelled as he dropped into the leather driver’s seat of a purring, blood red vehicle. He grabbed the black steering wheel in something of a panic, having never driven a car before.<br/><br/>“Okay! I get it!” he yelled.<br/><br/>“With heat-seeking missiles on it.”<br/><br/>“What. The. Fuck!” Draco yelled as the strange Muggle vehicle sprouted strange Muggle weapons from its front. They beeped, whirred and pointed themselves at Luna.<br/><br/>“And a coffee maker.”<br/><br/>*Ding* said the car and a cup of steaming coffee pushed itself out of the glove compartment.<br/><br/>Draco squealed in alarm.<br/><br/>“Your panic is only making them more aggressive in their attempt to protect you.” Luna stated calmly, sidestepping as the cup of coffee catapulted itself at her. The missiles followed her movement. “Take a deep breath and relax.”<br/><br/>Draco closed his eyes and forced himself to think of the strange Muggle craft going away and leaving him alone.<br/><br/>The nargles fluttered and dispersed around him and left him standing on his own two feet. He took another breath and looked at Luna as the nargles clicked and chirped at him soothingly.<br/><br/>“They can take any form. But only for you, only for a nargle-whisperer. Those are simple forms. They can become amazingly complex things. More complex than a house or car. And that’s what happened. They became weapons of war.”<br/><br/>Draco shuddered, gathering the tiny nargles to himself, instinctively trying to protect them.<br/><br/>A sudden commotion echoed mutedly from upstairs.<br/><br/>“DRACO!” a muffled voice shouted, followed by a crash and then silence.<br/><br/>Draco frowned up at the stairway tensely as the nargles crawling on him started scurrying about in fear, whimpering in tiny voices.<br/><br/>“Nargles, take Loony and hide. I’ve gotta go see what that is.”<br/><br/>One of the nargles flashed into its large form, grasped Luna around the waist and flew into the darkness, all of the other nargles following like a swarm of bees after its queen.<br/><br/>Draco slipped up the stairs quietly and threw open the large door, wand pointed.<br/><br/>He stared at the sight that met him, of his friends rolling around on the floor in pain and Hermione Granger standing over them.<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>“What are you doing here, Mudblood?”<br/><br/>Hermione didn’t even recognize the sneering girl at Malfoy’s front door. She knew she’d been a Slytherin at Hogwarts but that’s all Hermione remembered.<br/><br/>She’d gone up the drive and knocked like a civilized person and this was what she got?<br/><br/>One day, she told herself, people would treat her with the respect she deserved. The respect that came from being highly educated, highly competent, highly successful, and more than a little dangerous. She was a freaking war hero. Couldn’t people get past the whole ‘Mudblood’ thing?<br/><br/>She held her temper.<br/><br/>“I’d like to speak with Draco Malfoy, please.”<br/><br/>The girl’s sneer curled even more, and she leaned against the doorpost sullenly. Her eyes swept Hermione up and down once, “I doubt he wants to speak to you.”<br/><br/>“I don’t care. His mother sent me and I have business with him.”<br/><br/>To her surprise, the girl’s eyes widened and the door—which hadn’t been open very much in the first place—closed a bit more.<br/><br/>“If Draco’s mother wants to talk to him, she can call on him herself.” The girl declared in a high, tremulous way, “Filthy Mudblood.”<br/><br/>Normally at this point, Hermione would have simply walked away, but with Harry’s life debt at stake. . . .<br/><br/>The girl screamed as Hermione blasted the door open. She slammed heavily into a wall then flung herself away from Hermione and ran, shrieking like a loon, into the house, shouting about Narcissa and Draco and assassins.<br/><br/>Heaving a sigh of annoyance, Hermione strode in, waiting patiently as the sound of running steps approached her. Three men slowed to a stop as they saw her. Hermione recognized Goyle. Ew. The other was obviously Nott, but she had no idea who the third was.<br/><br/>“What are you doing here, Mudblood?” Goyle snapped, wand aimed at her.<br/><br/>That question. Again.<br/><br/>Patience, Hermione. Patience.<br/><br/>“Where is Draco Malfoy?” she asked calmly.<br/><br/>“What do you want with Draco?” the man she didn’t recognize asked gruffly, suspiciously.<br/><br/>Hermione blinked at him, there was something weirdly familiar about him, “His mother sent me to speak with him. I’d like to get this over with please.”<br/><br/>“We’ll never tell you!” Nott yelled, “<em>Stupe</em>—AAGH!”<br/><br/>Hermione knocked him off his feet and onto the coffee table with a flick of her wand.<br/><br/>What followed was beyond pathetic. The three of them barely used higher than fourth-year spells on her. They shouted them at the top of their lungs and their wand movements were exaggerated and clumsy.<br/><br/>It physically hurt her to watch it.<br/><br/>Ow.<br/><br/>No, that was the dish the girl Slytherin, who was hiding over in the corner, had thrown at her.<br/><br/>This was exactly what was wrong with the Magical world.<br/><br/>These idiots had graduated from Hogwarts five years ago, but their spell-work had not improved. If anything it had gotten worse. It was like they hadn’t learned a thing, let alone practiced, since they left school. They weren’t stupid—well, maybe Goyle was—and Nott there had a decent amount of power. But look at them! The girl wasn’t even trying to use her wand anymore! Probably knew nothing but cosmetic charms.<br/><br/>Why did people waste themselves like this? Couldn’t they spend even a handful of minutes a day improving their spell-work? Reading something educational?<br/><br/>This was all going to change once Hermione was in charge.<br/><br/>Waste like this wasn’t going to be allowed to happen anymore. All Witches and Wizards were going to be trained to their utmost competence.<br/><br/>Whether they liked it or not.<br/><br/>“DRACO!” Goyle screamed as Hermione flipped him through the air and into the wall.<br/><br/>A moment of quiet and then a door suddenly appeared in the wall to her right and Hermione held very still, narrowing her eyes as Draco Malfoy stepped out.<br/><br/>He blinked at her, at his friends, “Granger?” he asked in disbelief, “What’s going on?”<br/><br/>“I came to speak to you.” She said, watching his wand hand, “They weren’t going to let me in.”<br/><br/>To her astonishment, he grinned hugely, “You wanted to see me so bad that you did all this?” He spread his arms for a hug, “Awww. Come here.”<br/><br/>“Draco, your mom sent her!” The girl Slytherin choked out.<br/><br/>Draco’s eyes went wide, his body went rigid. He stared down at his friends, then slowly up at her. He gulped visibly.<br/><br/>“N-now Granger, y-you’re not a-a hired assassin on t-top of everything else, are you?”<br/><br/>“What? No! Are you crazy?”<br/><br/>He slumped, sighing in relief, “Oh good, because <em>STUPEFY</em>!”<br/><br/>Hermione lunged out of the way, raising the coffee table to block his next attack but he was already running back towards the door he’d first come through.<br/><br/>“You idiot!” she shouted, lunging forward and catching the door before he could slam it shut, jamming her wand through and causing him to yelp and let go. “What is wrong with you?” she yelled as he pounded down a set of dank stairs and disappeared into darkness.<br/><br/>Hermione turned to glare at the Slytherins. She quickly disarmed them and tied them up with a few slashes of her wand.<br/><br/>“You lot better stay put.” She snarled. “Got it?”<br/><br/>They nodded at her, terrified.<br/><br/>Finally. Some respect.<br/><br/>Hermione headed down the stairs after Malfoy.<br/><br/>“Malfoy!” she hollered, “I don’t know what your problem is but I just came to talk! Your mother thinks you might be having some sort of reaction to something in the house. I’m beginning to think you’re just fucking nuts. Malfoy?”<br/><br/>She reached the bottom of the dimly lit stairwell and peered into the cavernous room. All was quiet and dark. She didn’t remember seeing this room during the walkthrough.<br/><br/>“<em>Stupe</em>--!”<br/><br/>Hermione whirled, “<em>Expelliarmus</em>!”<br/><br/>She watched the spell light up the room and connect solidly with Malfoy. She saw his surprised face, his wand fly out of his hand and he toppled backwards. Hermione’s eyes widened in horror as she realized there was nothing behind him. No floor.<br/><br/>She pointed her wand. “<em>Acc</em>—AGH!”<br/><br/>She flew off her feet as something small and furious attacked her.<br/><br/>“You has killed Lord Malfoy!” screamed Ginger hysterically. “Bad Bad Lady!”<br/><br/>Icy, gross-smelling water splashed over Hermione in a tidal wave as Ginger gave her the mop-water again.<br/><br/>“Idiot!” Hermione coughed, sputtering and scrambling off the ground, “I could have caught him!” she staggered to the edge of the rock landing, shivering and dripping wet. She cleaned and dried herself with a quick swish of her wand then cried, “Lumos Maxima!”<br/><br/>There was nothing below her but darkness.<br/><br/>With a sobbing wail, Ginger disappeared and Hermione realized she was in deep trouble.<br/><br/>“Holy shit. I killed Draco Malfoy.”<br/><br/>Her brain was already jibbering, WhatdoIdo? WhatdoIdo?<br/><br/>Something else deep inside her, the primal, instinctive part of her soul, felt a profound stillness, as though some long-awaited destiny had finally been fulfilled.<br/><br/>But that wasn’t right. She’d always put her money on <em>Ron</em> being the one to snap and kill Malfoy.<br/><br/>Oh Merlin, I’m so going to prison!<br/><br/>She pulled out her cell phone and hit speed dial.<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>“Wizard television sucks.” Dan proclaimed in his deep voice, flicking idly through the channels of Hermione’s large flat screen.<br/><br/>“Wait! Here! Leave it! No! Right here! Ahhh.” Ron screeched, twitching continuously as Dan flipped past every Quidditch game he saw.<br/><br/>“Hermione’s late.” Mrs. Granger sighed.<br/><br/>Dan frowned, “My chicken salad is going to waste.” He glanced over at Harry, who was practically melted into the cushions a few seats over, “You alright there, Waldo?”<br/><br/>The crazy kid had disappeared for a while and they’d finally found him stuffed in a cramped little cupboard.<br/><br/>Harry flushed a little, “Yes, I’m better. And it’s Harry.”<br/><br/>“You look like a Waldo to me.” He grunted.<br/><br/>“Hey, I didn’t even realize it,” Ron said through a mouthful of popcorn, “You know about the Wizarding World, huh?”<br/><br/>Dan gave him a long withering look, “I’ve spent some time around magic.”<br/><br/>His phone rang.<br/><br/>“That’s Hermione now.” He tossed the remote at Ron, who made noises of jubilation, “Hello?”<br/><br/>“Uncle Dan! Uncle Dan!” the rest was undecipherable blubbering.<br/><br/>Dan immediately stood up, strode into the kitchen and shut the door, “Hermione Jean, calm down right now! What is it?”<br/><br/>“I killed Draco Malfoy!”<br/><br/>Dan froze for just a second, “Alright.” He said quickly and calmly, “Did anyone see you?”<br/><br/>“Yes. That House Elf saw me! She’s going to tell!”<br/><br/>“How messy is the body?”<br/><br/>“I-I don’t know. He went down a hole. I can’t even see the bottom. There are people upstairs! I can’t let them find him! I’ve got to hide the body!”<br/><br/>“Okay. Don’t you worry, darling. Uncle Dan knows what to do. You hang tight for just a few minutes and I’ll be there. Now where are you?”<br/><br/>He wrote down the address quickly, grimacing at how far away the place actually was, and started mentally making a list of things they were going to need: gloves, plastic garbage bags, shovels, a chain saw.<br/><br/>The door to the kitchen burst open and the red head was standing there gasping.<br/><br/>“Is that Hermione on the phone?” he practically shouted.<br/><br/>“What’s it to you?” Dan asked, eyes narrowing.<br/><br/>“I just got a call from my boss, Kingsley, that Draco Malfoy kidnapped a girl, Luna Lovegood, and that Hermione went and offed Malfoy!”<br/><br/>They could make it look like self-defense then if they had to. Good.<br/><br/>Dan slowly stalked towards Ron, “You going to go arrest my baby?”<br/><br/>“Hellll no!” Ron barked, not even the least intimidated, “You don’t understand! I’ve been waiting for this since I was eleven years old!” He did a little dance in place, “I knew if I waited long enough that one day—one day, I would get to hide Draco Malfoy’s body with my two best friends.”<br/><br/>“Sir, really,” Said Waldo from the doorway, “He has been waiting for this forever. I can’t even say I’m surprised. Surprised it took this long, maybe.”<br/><br/>Dan hesitated a moment then nodded tightly. It would be much easier to get there using their magic hoodoo then it would in Gordon’s truck. He put the phone back to his ear, “You hear that, darlin’? Your Uncle Dan and your friends will be there in just a few minutes.”<br/><br/>“There’s probably going to be some kind of fight.” The Waldo kid said, “You probably should leave it to us.”<br/><br/>“You boys ever hide a body?” He asked the two aggressively and was a little surprised when they didn’t flinch.<br/><br/>They looked at each other questioningly instead. “Erm?” the red head said.<br/><br/>“You know, Ron, I think that might actually be something we haven’t done before. Weird.”<br/><br/>Ron snapped his fingers, “No. No. Crabbe and Goyle, remember? Second year.”<br/><br/>“Yeah, but they weren’t dead.”<br/><br/>“Then Uncle Dan is coming with you boys.” Dan snapped.<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>“You know,” Lucius sat in a cozy armchair with a martini in his hand, a fez on his head, and not a scrap of clothing on, “I’m beginning to think we might have seriously failed at this whole parenting business.”<br/><br/>“These things take time, Lucius.” Narcissa insisted, eyes on her needlepoint, “He’s just getting his wings. Let him flounder a bit and then I’m certain he’ll bloom.”<br/><br/>“Maybe we should have insisted he finish Hogwarts or—or placed him in an internship somewhere.” Lucius grimaced at the idea.<br/><br/>“Don’t be silly.” Narcissa murmured, “No one knows what they want to be at his age.”<br/><br/>There was silence.<br/><br/>“Why are you bemoaning the point anyway?” She asked tartly, “It’s not as if there’s anything to be done about it now. It’s not as though we’ll ever be responsible for some poor creature’s upbringing ever again.”<br/><br/>They stared at each other.<br/><br/>“Never again.” Lucius agreed and toasted her with his martini.<br/><br/>A loud crack caused Narcissa to jump and yelp. A strange House Elf appeared in the middle of the room, wringing her ears and staggering about, wailing the whole time.<br/><br/>“Young Master Malfoy is being killed! He is being killed by the Bad Bad Lady!” and then it was gone just as quickly.<br/><br/>Lucius glanced over at the family tapestry as Narcissa rose to her feet, looking to Lucius in alarm.<br/><br/>“Well, tapestry says he’s peachy.” Lucius confirmed. “In fact, the tapestry says . . . holy shit, Draco, keep it in your pants!”<br/><br/>Narcissa banished her needlepoint and summoned her shoes, “Come, Lucius. We should deal with this ourselves.”<br/><br/>Lucius gave her a pleading look, “May I get dressed?”<br/><br/>Narcissa pursed her lips and thought about it, “Alright, but only because we’re leaving the house.”<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>Hermione knelt on the edge of the cliff, holding her wand down into the chasm, tears slipping down her face. She couldn’t see anything except inky blackness and her mind was such a wreck that she couldn’t think of any useful spells.<br/><br/>She knew thousands of spells. She knew several that would float her down, that would create staircases out of the rocks, that would summon steps for her to walk on.<br/><br/>She couldn’t think of a single one.<br/><br/>“I’m sorry, Draco! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it!” she cried into the darkness.<br/><br/>She could summon his body, but she was terrified that he was alive and injured and that the jarring would kill him. She was terrified that he was dead and that if she went down into the chasm, that she would have to see his broken, lifeless corpse.<br/><br/>“Oh Draco, I’m sor-rry!” she sobbed.<br/><br/>“Hermione. . . .”<br/><br/>Hermione’s head snapped up and she gasped in astonishment.<br/><br/>It was Draco . . . only he was . . . He was an angel.<br/><br/>White wings sprouted from his back and were beating silently in the still air. He was smiling at her gently, forgivingly. At peace.<br/><br/>She stood up clumsily, reached for him.<br/><br/>“Draco! I’m sorry! I tried to summon you, but the Elf . . . the Elf knocked me down and then you were gone!” she started to sob again.<br/><br/>“It’s okay, Hermione.”<br/><br/>“It’s not! You didn’t deserve to die! Well, maybe you did a little. But I didn’t mean to be the one to do it.”<br/><br/>“It didn’t hurt.”<br/><br/>She gave a little sniffle. That helped some. At least it had been quick.<br/><br/>“Before I go, will you do something for me?”<br/><br/>She nodded and he smiled serenely, descending gracefully to stand before her.<br/><br/>“May I have a kiss?” he whispered.<br/><br/>She stared at him with wide, wet eyes and did nothing when he leaned down and chastely touched his lips to hers. Her brain immediately jammed.<br/><br/>Oh. Oh dear. This wasn’t exactly a situation she had prepared for while organizing her world takeover. The only person she’d ever kissed was Ron and he wasn’t exactly Mr. Smooth. Not that he was a bad kisser, just completely unrestrained. The kind of guy you couldn’t kiss in public <em>ever</em> because it got messy pretty quick.<br/><br/>This didn’t feel like that kind of kiss, but maybe he was waiting for her to do something. What was she supposed to do? Would he be offended if she grabbed his face, bit his lips and shoved her tongue in his mouth? This was his last kiss before he went to heaven (or hell), what if she screwed it up? Maybe she should have studied for this. . . .<br/><br/>Malfoy pulled back a little, “Stop. Thinking.” He ordered and kissed her again.<br/><br/>Oh.<br/><br/>Okay.<br/><br/>He slid his arms around her and tilted his head just a little and Hermione’s brain melted. He smelled good, and his mouth was warm, coaxing just a little for her to part her lips. His robes were damp and cold. He was entirely too solid, entirely too real and he tasted—he tasted like butterbeer.<br/><br/>She ripped her face away, “You Jackass!” she hollered, “You’re not an angel!” And of course he wasn’t an angel! Stupid! If he really had died, he would have appeared to her with horns and a tail.<br/><br/>“You have to be the only person on the planet who would mistake me for one.” He laughed at her, proving her point.<br/><br/>But it wasn’t a mean laugh so she didn’t move away when he leaned down again and gave her a few quick, feather-light kisses. “Part payment.”<br/><br/>“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” She murmured, “I just came to talk. Your mother thought you were having hallucinations or something.”<br/><br/>“She didn’t send you to kill me?” Draco asked in disbelief.<br/><br/>“No! Why would she do that?” Hermione sputtered, completely baffled.<br/><br/>“I thought maybe you were an assassin as well as . . . whatever else you are. At this point, I wouldn’t put it past you.”<br/><br/>“No, look—okay, I deserve that. Maybe I am sort of taking over the Wizarding world. I just hadn’t thought about it in those terms. I really don’t want to hurt anyone or start a war or something. I just want everyone to be the best that they can be.”<br/><br/>“Against their will?”<br/><br/>There was a nasty gleam in her eyes, “If I have to.”<br/><br/>He stared at her, “That is so horrifying and sexy at the same time.”<br/><br/>He leaned down to kiss her again but she pushed him away, “Wait, what is this place?”<br/><br/>“It’s uh . . . .”<br/><br/>A feminine scream interrupted them, the sound far away and echoing from the depths of the chasm.<br/><br/>“What was that?” Hermione hurried to the ledge.<br/><br/>“LUNA!” Draco shouted. “LUNA, WHAT’S WRONG?”<br/><br/>“Draaaco Malfoy! Heeelp!” came Luna’s voice faintly from the darkness.<br/><br/>“What in the world?” Hermione gasped.<br/><br/>Draco shouted in surprise as the cave suddenly rocked and the nargles screamed in his head. Two large nargles appeared in front of them and grabbed him and Hermione as the cave shuddered and the walls cracked.<br/><br/>“What’s going on?” Draco tried to ask the nargles, “What’s happening?” But all of their little voices were too jumbled and upset to make sense of.<br/><br/>Hermione was screaming beside him as the nargles plunged them down and down into the darkness.<br/><br/>They came to a stop in midair just above another much smaller platform of rock. Luna Lovegood was over on a rocky outcropping to their right, being held captive by another nargle.<br/><br/>“Luna!” Hermione gasped.<br/><br/>“Nargles, what are you doing?” Draco yelled, struggling.<br/><br/>They babbled at him in fear and confusion, making him flinch at the cacophony in his head.<br/><br/>“Well, well, well,” said a nasty, unfamiliar voice hoarsely, “A nargle-whisperer! Isn’t this my lucky day.”<br/><br/>“Who’s there?” Draco shouted.<br/><br/>“Lumos.” Draco and Hermione’s wands flared by themselves and Draco could see, directly across from them, a haggard-looking man with amazingly long black hair and beard flowing all around him as though the hairs were wires growing into the cavern floors and wall. The man seemed to be trapped half-in and half-out of a large, twisting, obsidian rock.<br/><br/>Not rock, Draco realized. Nargles. The nargles had transformed into rock and were trying to restrain the man.<br/><br/>“Ah ha!” the wizard crowed in triumph, “I can use my magic again! I shall be free in no time! And it’s all thanks to you, my lad.”<br/><br/>“Who are you? What are you doing here?” Draco demanded.<br/><br/>“Malfoy,” Hermione said quietly, “I think that might be your Dark Lord. The one whose house you live in.”<br/><br/>“What? Really?” he looked skeptical.<br/><br/>“Yes! I am he!” Cried the Wizard, pleased that they knew him, “I am He-Who-Can’t-Be-Talked-About! Also known as That-One-Guy. Not That-One-Guy from Ireland. I am the British That-One-Guy.”<br/><br/>“What are you doing here?” Draco asked again. “You’ve been missing since the 1970’s.”<br/><br/>The man frowned, looking a bit startled. He probably didn’t even know what year it was. But he was a Dark Lord, so he was more than happy to begin monologuing, “Back at the height of my power, I found this pocket of nargles and attempted to find an artificial way of controlling them. I had limited success until one day they turned on me and used their own bodies to form this rock prison from which I could not escape. But only days ago, handfuls of them began to leave my prison for short periods of time. More and more of them began leaving, I assume to investigate you. Their divided attention formed a weakness in my prison, which I have exploited to gain freedom. In a matter of hours, I will be completely free and you, nargle-whisperer, will help me use the nargles to bring the Wizarding World to its knees!”<br/><br/>“NEVER!” Draco bellowed, “The nargles have been hurt and abused by Wizards enough! I won’t let you enslave and exploit them! They’re my friends and I won’t let you hurt them! Not while there’s breath in my body!”<br/><br/>Hermione was staring at Draco with an odd expression of wonder on her face.<br/><br/>The evil Wizard laughed, “You can do nothing boy! They are weak from containing me! Between my power and your voice, they have no choice but to listen to me! And you will do what I say or I will kill your little girlfriends, but not before playing with them a little first. I haven’t had a woman in <em>ages</em>.”<br/><br/>The black, shiny rock holding the wizard began to shift and crack and, with an insane cry, the Dark Lord burst one skinny arm free. The rocks bounced against the ground and became little nargles that scurried away weakly.<br/><br/>Draco struggled violently against the nargle holding him. He gave an angry mental command as harshly as he could and the nargle squeaked, recoiling and dropping him. Draco landed in a crouch, grabbed his wand and leapt over the gulf separating himself from the evil wizard.<br/><br/>The Dark Lord grinned and snarled a spell and Draco’s own wand flipped around and blasted him full in the face. Flying back with a scream, Draco barely heard Hermione and Luna shout his name. Instead of slamming into the rock face or plunging down into the icy water beneath him, Draco was quickly caught by the nargles who hefted him into the air, chattering in panic in his head, refusing to let him go again lest he get hurt.<br/><br/>Draco struggled uselessly. There was nothing he could do. This wizard could use other people’s wands without even touching them and even if Draco set the nargles on him, other nargles would protect the man. Dividing the nargle’s attention between himself and the evil wizard only weakened the nargles further.<br/><br/>“Stupid boy.” The Wizard laughed and began calling spells for his own amusement. Draco screamed as his wand leapt into the air and began casting pain and torture spells on him. To his horror, he saw the same thing happening to Hermione and Luna.<br/><br/>“It’s no use boy,” the Dark Lord sneered, after what seemed to Draco, an eternity of pain. Draco hung weakly in the nargle’s grasp, face swollen and bleeding and still struggling because Hermione was crying, “My powers have only grown and with these nargles as my guards, no Witch or Wizard can hope to defy me.”<br/><br/>“And what about me, asshole?” a deep voice boomed and a huge man dropped down onto the rock platform in front of the evil Wizard, having repelled down on a rope.<br/><br/>“Who the fuck—?” started the Wizard.<br/><br/>“Uncle Dan!” squealed Hermione but her cry was cut off in a flinch as she watched her Uncle’s meaty fists meet the trapped Wizard’s face with a wet, crunchy sound.<br/><br/>“Malfoy! Hermione!”<br/><br/>Ron and Harry were there, zipping about on their brooms.<br/><br/>The nargles became confused, babbling unhappily in Draco’s head and Draco yelled as he and Hermione were unceremoniously dropped.<br/><br/>Ron grabbed Hermione and zipped upwards. Harry shoved his broom at Luna, “Grab Malfoy and go up! Dan and I are going to use Hermione’s portkey to the house.”<br/><br/>Luna nodded quickly, flying over to grab Draco, who didn’t even think about protesting.<br/><br/>Harry used his wand to give himself a boost over from Luna’s ledge to the ledge where Dan was pulverizing the Dark Lord guy’s face.<br/><br/>“Alright, are you ready?” Harry asked.<br/><br/>“Almost,” Dan grunted, and hit the guy a few more times. “And here I was almost afraid I wouldn’t get to kill anyone.”<br/><br/>“Uh, yeah.” Harry agreed nervously.<br/><br/>Dan reached into his pocket and pulled out a hand grenade. Grinning madly, he pulled the pin with his teeth and stuffed it into the Dark Lord’s broken mouth.<br/><br/>With a yell, Harry latched onto Dan and grabbed the portkey.<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>Hermione and the others stood at the top of the ledge, looking down into blackness. She squealed at the flash bang beneath them and Draco grabbed her arm, pulling her back from the edge. The wall cracked, rock began tumbling down and nargles exploded into the air all around them.<br/><br/>“Come on! Everyone upstairs!” Ron yelled, grabbing onto Luna, and they all ran for the door as the cavern shook around them.<br/><br/>Panting, the small group burst into the living room of Draco’s house, a little bruised, a little dirty, a little exhilarated.<br/><br/>“Are Potter and that one guy okay?” Draco asked.<br/><br/>“They had a portkey.” Ron shrugged, “And nothing can kill Harry, so I know he’s fine.”<br/><br/>Hermione nodded emphatically. “Uncle Dan’s a survivor.”<br/><br/>“What about your, uh, nargle friends?” Ron asked uncomfortably.<br/><br/>Draco smiled at the happy tickle of his jubilant friends in his head, “They’re fine. They can change their form to strong metal or even go intangible. An explosion like that isn’t going to hurt them.”<br/><br/>“Nargles, Draco!” Hermione burst out, “Nargles! Real live nargles! This is an amazing discovery! I can’t wait to study them--.”<br/><br/>“No!” Draco cut her off, grabbing her hands, “No, please don’t tell anyone about them. The Wizarding world nearly wiped them out once. They hunted them down and murdered them all. I can’t stand the thought of what will happen if people find out about them again. I don’t want to obliviate you, Hermione, but I will to protect them.”<br/><br/>“Oohh,” Hermione breathed, cheeks flushed and eyes dilated, “That is so sweet.”<br/><br/>She leaned forward and Draco kissed her tenderly.<br/><br/>“Aww.” Sighed Luna, “Nargles are creatures of love.”<br/><br/>Ron made a horrified face. “I thought you killed him,” he whimpered, feeling betrayed, “I came here hoping to hide his body and now you’re making-out with him?”<br/><br/>“Go away, Weasley.” Draco murmured warningly, as Hermione slid her arms around him.<br/><br/>“WHAT IS THIS!” Lucius Malfoy’s voice bellowed furiously.<br/><br/>Draco jerked upright at the sight of his father storming into the room, looking apoplectic. His worried mother followed behind him along with Mansy and the others. Draco wondered if they’d been unable to get through the iron door without him. They must have been searching the house for an alternate way in.<br/><br/>“I will not allow this!” Lucius roared, “You dropped out of Hogwarts! You don’t have a job! You’ve been blowing your trust fund! I have graciously ignored all of it! But this, this <em>stain</em> I will not ignore! I will not ignore <em>her</em>!”<br/><br/>“You got a problem with my niece, asshole?” Uncle Dan snarled, storming into the room with Harry at his heels. The portkey had landed them in front of the house.<br/><br/>Lucius Malfoy turned to look at Dan in utter, dumbfounded surprise and then Draco saw a strange transformation come over his father. His father’s lower lip wobbled, his eyes went large and liquid.<br/><br/>“Nngh,” Lucius choked, face white as a sheet.<br/><br/>Uncle Dan’s thunderous face became even more dark and threatening.<br/><br/>“N-Navy Seal?” Lucius whispered breathily, “I-is that you?”<br/><br/>Uncle Dan groaned in disgust, rolled his eyes and opened his arms. With a whoop, Lucius threw himself at Dan and hugged him hard, a crying Narcissa not far behind him. Dan put his arms around both of them looking horribly putout but, underneath that, vaguely pleased.<br/><br/>“Oh, dear Seal,” sobbed Narcissa, “I thought I would never see you again.”<br/><br/>“My friend!” Cried Lucius, “How I have missed you!”<br/><br/>“Well, you don’t act like it, saying those things about my niece.” Dan said gruffly.<br/><br/>Lucius started, “Your niece?” He pulled away to stare at Hermione, “This little witchlet is a member of your pack? I-I am honored! Daughter!” He cried and Hermione yelped as she was enveloped in a hug.<br/><br/>“Draco, help!” Hermione hissed, trying not to flash back to the nude body she’d seen earlier that day.<br/><br/>“Yeah, yeah, honored. Great. Approval. Okay, thanks dad.” Draco pried Hermione out of Lucius’ grasp as his dad kissed both her cheeks with noisy smacks.<br/><br/>Draco glanced over at his friends and put an arm around Hermione as his father went back to carrying on about his Navy Seal. “Any of you got something to say?”<br/><br/>“Um, Miss Hermione.” Tracey, trembling oddly and looking terrified of Hermione squeaked, “Um, an owl brought this for you just now.”<br/><br/>Frowning a little at Tracey’s behavior, Hermione grasped the heavy parchment envelope and gaped at the return address. With nimble fingers she slipped it open and quickly read the enclosed note.<br/><br/>“Oh dear,” she leaned back against Draco for support.<br/><br/>“What is it, Hermione?” Harry asked.<br/><br/>“I-I’ve just received an invitation to attend the Academia Sinistro.”<br/><br/>Silence all around her.<br/><br/>“Whhaaaat?” and that had to be the oddest sound Hermione had ever heard Lucius Malfoy make.<br/><br/>Hermione handed the invitation over to Harry who scanned it quickly before Ron grabbed it from him to have a look. Goyle, Nott and that other guy Hermione still didn’t recognize, scooted in close, “They say . . . they say they’re impressed with what I’ve accomplished so far and that a Dark Lord degree would open some of the more stubborn doors in my way. How could. . . . Am I really . . . Is what I’m doing really. . . a little evil?”<br/><br/>“Erm,” started Harry, nervously.<br/><br/>“Hell yeah.” Ron said bluntly. “I’ve been waiting in terror for the day when you decide I need more schooling to round out my education and send me to adult classes against my will.”<br/><br/>“And the day you decide I’m going to be Minister of Magic.” Harry added, causing her to blush and mumble.<br/><br/>“So, a bit of a wakeup call?” Draco prompted, giving her a squeeze, “Maybe you’ll rethink things now, huh?”<br/><br/>“What? No!” Hermione looked at him like he was crazy.<br/><br/>The others started in surprise.<br/><br/>“I mean, how could I pass this up? It’s a fabulous opportunity! And what an honor! I’d be the first Muggleborn ever invited. What better way to prove myself to the Magical world then to be the very first Muggleborn Dark Lady. It’s a statistical fact that men outnumber women in the Dark Lording department by a huge margin and Purebloods outnumber those with Muggle blood even more. I think it would be a huge forward step for our society to have a Muggleborn Dark Lady.”<br/><br/>Ron looked at Harry in panic. Harry looked at Draco, begging him to do something. Draco looked around frantically for inspiration and then his eyes landed on the bruise on Nott’s forehead and he grinned slowly, wickedly.<br/><br/>“Her-mi-o-ne.” He sing-songed.<br/><br/>His voice cut off her rambling and she looked at him in surprise. He grinned toothily.<br/><br/>“I’m pressing charges.”</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Epilogue</h2></a>
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    <p>Hermione Granger received three months in a low-security prison cell in Azkaban for breaking and entering, assault, and attempted murder. Harry and Ron were absolutely no help, even after Dan pulled his bowie knife and started trying to stab people.<br/><br/>The trial was kept very quiet so as not to alert her time-traveling self to her current predicament, but the fact that so very few people were involved, and that they were all her so-called ‘friends’, attributed to her light sentencing. Hermione realized belatedly that the assholes in the Department of Mysteries had known about the trial and had spent weeks keeping her time-traveling past-self-in-the-future busy. The jackasses even had the gall to pop champagne bottles at her sentencing.<br/><br/>Luckily for Hermione, she herself had seen to the renovation and modernization of Azkaban ages ago. Dementors were no longer used as guards and every prisoner had a bed, toilet and controlled temperatures in their cells.<br/><br/>Harry and Ron came to visit her often, though she didn’t speak to them for the first month and the second month was spent hurling expletives at them. Sometimes they brought her parents to visit. Her mom and dad acted as though she were on a vacation holiday and not incarcerated for heinous crimes. When no one was around, her mother grasped her hands through the bars and whispered that she knew this was only a temporary setback and that one day her baby would make them rue the day they messed with the rightful ruler of the world.<br/><br/>Lucius and Narcissa dropped by once in awhile, both of them looking absurdly proud of her. Uncle Dan tried twice to break her out. Hermione had a weird suspicion that he was actually staying in Malfoy Manor.<br/><br/>Draco came every day.<br/><br/>Sometimes he brought her lunch from Rosalda’s. Sometimes he read his very badly written poetry to her. Sometimes he tried to get her to ‘hone her visualization skills’ by imagining the two of them on their honeymoon.<br/><br/>Hermione reminded him coolly that they hadn’t even been on a second date yet.<br/><br/>He grinned slyly, “So you admit it <em>was</em> a first date.”<br/><br/>When Hermione’s prison time was finally up, she felt oddly calm and refreshed.<br/><br/>The earth was still in tact. No one had died because she had missed work. Her evil plans were sort of ruined when her whereabouts had finally come to light to the general public. Yeah, her invitation to the Academia Sinistro was still standing but she was an attempted-murderess and so had been kicked off the Board of Governors. She was no longer allowed to teach at Hogwarts and Kingsley had scaled back the number of committees she was allowed to be on, and she was no longer allowed to be in charge of any of them.<br/><br/>If she wanted to take over the Wizarding world now, she’d have to do it by force. Not exactly something she had the stomach for.<br/><br/>Her house was cool and sweet smelling, though she hadn’t been there in three months. Someone had aired it out and a bouquet of flowers was waiting for her on her kitchen table along with two tickets to some fancy show or other.<br/><br/>Hermione sighed and reached under the hidden groove at the bottom of her dresser to find the long golden chain of her Time-Turner.<br/><br/>She studied it with a little smile and then began turning it back.<br/><br/>So they’d made her cool her heels in Azkaban for three months. Didn’t they realize she could just take those months back? She had lots of things to do after all.<br/><br/>Like make a phone call.<br/><br/>To tell herself to go meet Draco Malfoy to look at houses.<br/><br/><br/><br/>THE END</p>
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